A reader recently wrote Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners, to get her opinion on whether graduates (or their parents) were obligated to have a graduation party in order to receive gifts.
“When I graduated high school in 1981, some of my friends had parties, but most did not. All of us still received gifts (usually monetary) from family and friends,” the reader wrote. “I’ve now been told that you have to have a graduation party for your child to receive gifts. I personally think it’s ridiculous. People now seem insulted if they receive a graduation announcement and are expected to send a small monetary gift if you don’t have a party.”
Now take note: The writer -- despite saying people shouldn’t feel obligated to give a gift -- doesn’t see his or her part in this “gimme” game. But Martin does.
“Graduation parties are indeed getting out of hand,” Martin writes. “But if you truly want to discourage the ‘gimme, gimme’ culture, which Miss Manners considers a noble goal, you should not be speculating about how best to get presents for your child.”
Martin says while it’s probably true that your graduate will more likely receive gifts if there’s a party, people either invited to a graduation party or receiving an announcement of said event aren’t obligated to produce a present. “Congratulations are all that is required,” she writes.
“The decision about giving a party should be based on your and your child’s inclinations, your resources, and whether this is something your guests would enjoy, not the expectation of tribute from them,” Martin says.
I concur.
Let’s Chat Today
Join me today, May 10, at noon ET for my online text chat. My guest will be Erin Duffy, author of April’s Color of Money book club pick, “Bond Girl.”
Read the review of the book, and join me for a discussion about Duffy’s time on Wall Street.
I’ll also be taking your personal finance questions during the chat. Be sure to send your questions in early or read the transcript later.
The Proper Way to Pinch Pennies
Are you thrifty or miserly?
Tim Parker of Investopedia.com posed this question while explaining the difference between being miserly and being frugal.
“Frugal people understand that paying more doesn’t necessarily mean a better value,” Parker wrote in the piece “People labeled as cheap wouldn’t pay a premium price regardless of the value.”
Here are a few ways to figure out if you’re miserly or frugal, according to Parker:
-- Miserly people look only at what something costs. “They believe that the only way to achieve value is to pay less, but they fail to take into account other factors,” Parker writes. But frugal people understand that it’s okay to pay more for quality. For example, a quality mattress may cost more, but the added support and ergonomics may help somebody with back pain.
-- Miserly people won’t spend the money to take care of necessary things, such as a needed trip to the doctor, while a frugal person will pay for the basics of life.
-- Miserly people annoyingly complain about the cost of something -- all the time. They complain so much it takes the fun out of an outing. Frugal people may be thinking the same thing, but they don’t voice their cost counting all the time.
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