A child on the way and a bomb in the closet

From a reader: “My wife and I are very much in love and expecting our first child. We are extremely excited to raise this child with the values we believe in, and have agreed honesty is crucial. My wife and I pride ourselves in having an honest relationship, and for the most part it is true.

“There is however, one thing I have never shared with her. Before we were married, in the second year of our relationship, we had a fairly major disagreement. That disagreement was amplified by the fact that I left the next day for a business trip. While I was away I had a brief affair that I ended quickly. My wife and I reconciled on my return, but, knowing that I was on thin ice, I didn’t tell her of the affair. Once I felt I could, it seemed too late.

“Now that we are trying to teach honesty to a child, I feel that I should tell my wife. Would it be more selfish of me to get this off my chest or keep it to myself?”

Short version: Help!

- Carolyn Hax

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