An old friendship, hurled in the toilet

From a reader, a time-sensitive question: “I recently traveled for a bachelorette party of a college friend. The party started at 6 p.m., but dinner reservations weren’t until 11 ... and by the time we left for dinner, I’d had too much wine. The bride-to-be insisted on accompanying me home, since I was staying at her place. She went back to the party, and I was sick in her bathroom all night. I also missed brunch the next morning. I was mortified--we’re in our late 20s, and this kind of thing doesn’t happen. I also was sad to miss part of an important night for my friend.

“I apologized, but when I called her a couple of days later, she was livid. She said my mistake had reminded her of ‘all the times’ I let her down in college--and gave examples, some of which I don’t remember doing. These things happened almost 10 years ago!

“A couple of weeks later, I e-mailed her. Her response was curt and said she is ‘still hurt’ and ‘needs space.’ It’s been a month now. Her wedding is in only a few weeks, and she still isn’t speaking to me. What should I do? I don’t want to be at her wedding if it will cause her pain to see me. I also don’t think it’s fair for her to leave me hanging. I’ve been anxious and confused since this happened and don’t know how to get past it.”

What would you advise?

- Carolyn Hax

 
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