Does unfounded jealousy = well-founded, just not understood yet?

From a reader who signed as “Jealous for no reason”: “Being jealous in my relationships has never really been a problem for me. However, with my most recent relationship, I feel like I’ve lost my mind. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two months. We dated off-and-on for a year or so in our past, then he had a girlfriend for a while, but they broke up several months ago.

“I am very happy that we are now in a committed relationship--but I cannot stop with the jealousy and trust issues. He has given me no reason to doubt him, but I do, constantly. I’m convinced he’s seeing someone else, that he doesn’t really want to be with me, or that he’s lying to me about the smallest things--but I have no reason to back up any of my crazy thoughts.

“I’ve also come to realize there is nothing he can say or do to make me feel better short of giving me access to his e-mail and phone or driving by his house at random times (none of which I actually do)--which is unreasonable of me and a gross abuse of the personal space that we all deserve and need. These crazy, irrational thoughts are getting harder and harder for me to tackle. How can I possibly get over this unfounded jealousy without ruining a perfectly good relationship?”

This is almost like a relationship whodunit. What do you think is it about this relationship, vs. the serene ones of the past, that has the LW feeling so out of control? — Carolyn Hax

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