- Hax Philes
- Carolyn taps into her inbox, so you can be Hax, too.
Forgive the cheater, banish her enablers?
From a reader: “My wife had a cyber affair and carried on in secret for years, accompanied by numerous plans for physical meetings. Her best friend kept the secret and even volunteered to accompany her on the planned physical meetings. My wife put her then-teenage son--my stepson--online to meet and chat with her affair partner.
“My wife and I are now trying to work things out. My wife agreed with the well-understood basics, like the no-contact agreement regarding the affair partner. I have seen precautionary advice that a couple should not socialize with people who condoned the affair. I agree with this.
“My wife defends her best friend’s participation and doesn’t want to give her up. She also defends her son, now in his 20’s, by denying that he could understand what she was doing. What do you suggest we do with these two ‘cheating support group’ members?”
The question could be, how is it “we” when the wife has already decided these people will remain a part of her life? The idea that one can forgive the biggest betrayal (spouse’s cheating) but not budge on the smaller ones (friends who cover for spouse) is a common one, and complicated, too. What do you think?
- Carolyn Hax
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