Glad you can make it! Too bad you’re not invited.

Fresh from my inbox: “Last week, an old friend, X, called me up to talk. Over the course of the conversation, she mentioned that she was not taking a honeymoon, in part because she wanted to make sure she could come to my wedding, which is six days after hers.

“The only problem? I wasn’t planning on inviting her, both because we have fallen out of touch, and because she and one of my bridesmaids, Y, my oldest friend, don’t speak to each other. X cheated on her boyfriend (soon-to-be husband) with Y’s boyfriend.

“Additionally, X made some negative comments about my now-fiance when we were first dating that have really stuck with me. She awkwardly tried to apologize for them in the phone call, but hearing that just reminded me how mean they were.

“On top of it all, I don’t think I’ll be able to attend X’s wedding anyway. So how do I tell her I can’t come to her wedding, and she won’t be invited to mine? Or do I just invite her to avoid hurting her feelings? I think not inviting her would be a friendship-ender, and I’d rather not hurt a childhood friend like this.”

The way I read it: The bride-to-be likes to think of herself as a keeper of old friendships and wants to maintain that persona, but X is making that choice a tougher one than she cares to make. Yes? No? Ideas? Discuss.

— Carolyn Hax

 
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