Incubation etiquette

A new one from the queue: “Gay Washingtonian here. I’ve reached the point where I am ready to start a family, and considering all the possible ways to make that happen. I have not ruled out adoption, but I myself am adopted, so sharing blood with my children would be my strong preference. That leaves surrogacy.

”I have no sisters, and other female relatives are either too young or too old. I have a ton of very close female friends I would personally do anything for, and many have said in the past that they would be willing to carry a child for me someday — though a common theme is that many said it in moment’s of inebriation.

”So, what’s the etiquette here? These friends are, in many cases, dating or married and having babies of their own. Do I only ask those who are not planning future children? Is there any way of asking that doesn’t impose incredible pressure on the askee? And, do you think it would be insulting if I cast a wide net, i.e., asked several friends at one time and waited to see who seemed most willing?”

What do you think?

— Carolyn Hax

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