Week 708, 2007: Horse names:
Esoteric Thinker + Hanky Panky = Coito Ergo Sum
Week 714, 2007: Combine two or more companies into a new firm:
Whataburger, Pizza Hut, Workmate benches, Izumi sushi and Manwich sauces join forces and become WhataPizzaWorkIzuMan.
Now at 1,502 inks, Chris has but 22 blots to go to surpass Russell’s once seemingly unreachable total. I’d like nothing more than for Russ to start entering again to preserve his lead. But it may be just a couple of months before Chris will top the Invite leaderboard for the first time.
High fives: The results of the Week 1030 cinquain contest
My long lead-in to the results of Week 1030 tells about the assortment of funny and not-so-funny poems submitted for this contest. I hadn’t the slightest fear that the Loser Community would deliver a variety of great stuff. While cinquains don’t have to rhyme or have particular meter — and lots of the inking ones don’t — they certainly enhanced the cleverness of a number of entries that get ink today.
As you can see from the results, lots of people were inspired by the sure-to-be-eternal-fodder Anthony Weiner and his jaw-dropping conclusion that lots of people would still vote for him to be mayor of New York City. But the “hubris”/ “needs a new bris” was just sooo clever, sooo apt, that it was my mortal lock for first place. Though my hunch was that Chris Doyle had written it — Chris has done so many bris/mohel jokes over the years that I started calling him Chris Dohel — I wasn’t surprised to find out that it was by Nan Reiner, a latter-day Invite phenom whom I seem to be writing about every week in this column. This gives Nan her 139th ink since her debut in Week 877. And the two other runners-up are also Invite fixtures: Craig Dykstra was a runner-up just two weeks ago, and this week ratchets his total to 286, and Gary Crockett to 151.
But we also have three brand-new people among the 22 published poets this week: Congratulations to First Offenders Randy Arndt, Linda Neighborgall and Stan Capper.
Last call to brunch and more in Gettysburg: This Sunday at 11
The Royal Consort and I will be joining Losers Roger Dalrymple, Marty McCullen and the never-before-glimpsed William Collinge of the Invite’s Gettysburg bureau — I’m telling you, we are everywhere — for brunch at the Appalachian Brewing Company followed by a battlefield tour personally given by Roger, who gives tours regularly and whose talk we enjoyed immensely two years ago, even though I was sort of a wet blanket that day, having decided to come down with a stomach virus for Civil War-era historical authenticity. Also scheduled to muster: Perennial Loserbrunchers Elden Carnahan and Pie Snelson, and northern-Maryland Losers Kyle Hendrickson and Larry Gray. If you’d like to join us, that would be fab — just let Elden know at elden [dot] carnahan [at] gmail [dot] com ASAP.
Low fives: Uprintable cinquains from Week 1030 (don’t read if you might be offended)
Douglas likes to
Vacation in the sun.
In other words, he likes to go
Sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles,
Onions on a sesame seed
Bunghole. (Randy Lee)
And Diet Coke
Are just like congressmen
Thrown together they release gas
And blow (Stephen Dudzik)
And a very nice one that’s not risque at all, but we’re not allowed to say “ass” in the paper to mean butt:
We Heard That
So you may snooze,
And be less threatened by
The folks who want to blow your ass
Sky-high. (Walt Johnston)