To judge this contest, I’m going to need some computer program to flag words in an entry that aren’t in the actual soliloquy passage. Supergeek Losers Jeff Contompasis and Steve Langer both helped me out in Week 1009, in which entrants could use only the letters in a chosen name to write something about that person (I still ended up giving ink to one illegal entry, but that was my own fault), and Kyle Hendrickson worked something up for me in the Constitution contest and a later one.
Finally, for inspiration, I offer this inking entry, one of many that week from Kevin Dopart, from the last “Hamlet” contest:
From Epilogue 1: Act 4, Scenes 5 and 6:“If you desire to know the Loser, know pelican brains! They bore on Sundays. They be slow and dumb. They bore thee much. Knowest, I direct them.” -- The Empress, Washington (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
See it this way — or this way — or this way: The results of Week 1035
When we do cartoon caption contests — and we’ve done scores of them — Bob Staake’s effusively fertile mind and crazed hand spins off a dozen or more little sketches, probably within the time it takes for his toast to pop out , and I choose four or five, sometimes asking for small alterations. I liked the sketch pictured above, but I asked him to omit the stripe from the thing atop the woman’s head. I’m glad, because what would have been only a bowling pin was seen variously (and probably not exclusively) as an ornament hanger, a dowser, a helmet, wires implanted into the brain, a thought balloon, a coat hanger, a lamp hoop, a TV antenna and an odd light bulb. See the final cartoons at left.
The angle on Week 1035 — to write captions saying “what news Bob is trying to tell us” — was an excuse to reference a similar contest from Week 535, to mark the Empress’s surviving her 500th contest. Perhaps the majority of entries ignored this instruction entirely. Some of the inking entries do stretch this parameter, as I acknowledge in the introduction to the winners, but I didn’t feel I could ignore it myself during the judging.
It’s the fifth win for Mike Gips, who got his first ink back in the Czarist era in 2003, but never got double-digit ink in a year until 2010-11. Mike’s “Tail-look scandal” gives him his 126th blot of ink, his 16th above the fold.
But it’s the first ink of any kind for the second-place winner, Roberta Dobbins, who chose to use the more distant sonogram-wand-wielding Rick Perry rather than her Virginian native son, Gov. Bob McDonnell. Roberta gets a FirStink along with the insect cookbook and the box of Larvets Worm Snax — a delicacy that, it turns out, the Czar also gave away, back in 1997 (it was a different actual box).
Runner-up Kevin Dopart creeps inexorably toward 1,000 inks with Ink 973 (and 974 and 975), while fellow above-the-folder Chris Doyle continues to sail away from the 1,500 buoy.
With Malitz toward . . .: The fave of Sunday Style Editor David Malitz this week is newbie Jim Stiles’s caption for Cartoon B, about Mrs. Bloomberg “new way to tackle obesity.” Keep bringing it, Jim!