Week 688 (2006): Six-word stories: My wife’s suicide note: ungrammatical, naturally. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Dead Letters, our annual obit-poem contest:
South African leader P.W. Botha:
Apartheid rule is not a way
To gather healthy karma.
I bet that Mr. Botha may
Be heading someplace warma.
(Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D., Week 695, 2007)
Week 698 (2007): Job interview questions: Applicant: “Say, those girls in the photos on your desk, are they seeing anyone? Well, not the fat one, but those other two?” (Russell Beland, Springfield, Va.)
Questionable Journalism, our perennial contest in which you find a sentence in The Post and supply a question that it could answer: Post: They must also not appear partisan. Q. In addition to being partisan, what’s expected of a U.S. attorney? (Russell Beland, Week 706, 2007)
Week 736 (2007): Questions for the “Car Talk” guys: When I get my 2004 Mustang up to about 85 miles an hour, I hear a high-pitched whining off to my right that persists until I wind down to 60. What can I do to shut her up? (Chris Rollins, Cumberland, Md.)
Week 749 (2008): New meanings for existing words: Cremate: Coffee-Mate’s unsuccessful initial brand name. (Kevin Dopart)
Week 794 (2009), Onion-style headlines:Palin Is Prime Cause of 3rd-Quarter Drop in U.S. Jaws, Analysts Say (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)
Week 805 (2009), bad names for given types of products: A bad name for a candy bar: Herpes Kisses (Cy Gardner, Arlington, Va.)
Week 856 (2010), children’s books that will never be published: “You Were Adopted, but You Weren’t Our First Choice” (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
Week 871 (2010), alter a movie title: Four Weldings and a Funeral: A man attaches a set of rocket engines to his Chevy and momentarily achieves his dream of driving a flying car. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Week 891 (2010): Palindrome sentences (allowing for homophones):
Quoth Raven: “Nevermore!” . . . BLAM! . . . Nevermore Raven quoth. (Peter Jenkins, Bethesda, Md.)
Week 900 (2011): “Dear Blank, From Blank” notes: Dear Leonardo: Your fly is open. — Sincerely, Mona Lisa (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Week 902 (2011): Put a positive spin on a line from The Post:
Original: Maine’s governor told critics Friday to “kiss my butt” . . .
Spun: Maine’s governor found it in his heart to turn the other cheek . . . (Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)
Week 923 (2011): New chemical elements: Platitudinum: A metal that becomes more dull each time it is used, yet somehow is never discarded. (Beth Baniszewski, Cambridge, Mass.)
Week 951 (2012), pair a word with itself or its homophone: Fact shun faction: The Fox News Channel lineup. (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)
Week 955 (2012), pair a word or phrase with its anagram: Satellite radio salaried toilet: Howard Stern. (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
Our perennial contest to compare any two items from a list we supplied:Michael Phelps and Bristol Palin: Each got into trouble after doing some dope. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y., Week 972, 2012)
Week 975 (2012), “debunk” a “Sixth Myth” about any of a dozen topics: White people don’t lack rhythm, they just hear a different drummer — and he lacks rhythm. (Tom Witte)
Week 996 (2012), combine two magazines: Astronomy and Astrophysics + Nuclear Physics: Sure, it has pictures of heavenly bodies, but I buy it for the particles. (Gary Crockett)
Be sure to check out the many other segments of this 20th-anniversary Style Invitational retrospective: classic limericks; song parodies; neologisms (new words); horse “breeding” and “joint legislation”; and some of our wackiest prizes. Plus how to enter this week’s new contest, and a look at the Losers and their remarkable subculture. And more! See the index of articles here.
Next: Meet the parentheses: The Losers and their remarkable community.