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The film and interactive portions of the South by Southwest conference are underway, and things kick into high gear next week when more than a thousand musical acts descend on Austin for the annual version of rock-and-roll spring break. If your Twitter feed isn’t already filled with Instagram photos of airport coffees and posts ending with #SXSW, just wait. Well, good for everyone in attendance, but what about those of us who aren’t headed to Austin or (gasp) have never been? We enlisted the advice of The Post’s pop music critic, Chris Richards , to help us fake it in the very likely event we end up in a SXSW conversation.

What phrase do you expect to be most overheard this year at SXSW?

Maybe “Did you see Sky Ferreira yet?” This one will be handy for Washingtonians because she’s playing U Street Music Hall on March 19, just 48 hours after SXSW wraps up.

Help us finish this sentence: “Ugh, I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with ____________.”

The crowds. SXSW is no place for claustrophobes. Imagine the most crowded Metro bus you ever boarded, then add 115 decibels shaking the air between you and the seven other people you’re pressed into. But when those 115 decibels are really good, there’s no place I’d rather be. Can’t say the same for the 54 bus.

What D.C. music venues could we describe that someone might mistake for an Austin venue?

I’ve seen my share of rock clubs on this planet, and it’s probably safe to say that Austin’s nightclubs — while great in many respects — have the most horrific men’s rooms in America. I can smell them in my mind’s nostrils. Gah. So thankfully, Washington’s clubs aren’t very Austinesque. The closest we get is the Black Cat, a reliable, no-nonsense, music-first rock club — and much cleaner.

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