IN LADY GAGA’S latest single, “Paparazzi,” the bizarre pop singer pines, “I’m your biggest fan/ I’ll follow you until you love me.” But we’re not taking that as a proclamation of affection — we’re taking it as a threat.
Because from 23-year-old Stefani Germanotta — or, the Gaga — nothing is too far-fetched. The former NYU student who got her start writing songs for the Pussycat Dolls and Fergie jettisoned to fame with single “Just Dance” last year, and since then, her debut album “The Fame” has gone platinum, she’s embarked on numerous international tours and recently won the Best New Artist award at MTV’s Video Music Awards.
And those accolades don’t even include her collaborations with other artists — such as the tongue-in-cheek “Poke Her Face” with Kid Cudi, Common and Kanye West or “Chillin‘” with Washington-based rapper Wale — or her acceptance from the gay community, which she often cites as a major plank in her success. Direct quote from Gaga when accepting her VMA on Sept. 13: “This is for God and the gays.”
Love her or hate her (and we veer between the two emotions pretty often), you have to admit: The girl can sing a damn good hook. Whether she’s faux-rapping in “LoveGame,” grunting in “Poker Face” or moaning in “Paparazzi,” there’s so much sexuality running around that you can’t help but hum along.
But if you can’t even one name one of her songs, there’s one thing you can probably recognize about Lady Gaga: Her outlandish, jaw-droppingly ridiculous fashions, which are more often than not created by her own entourage, Haus of Gaga. Hair-pieces, masks, faux-hijabs — if you can think of it, Gaga’s probably worn it. And when she performs at DAR Constitution Hall on Sept. 29, you can expect costume changes galore.
What are the five outfits she’s donned that we find most absurdly befuddling? We’ve listed them for your enjoyment below — try not to shake your head in too much disdain.
MURDEROUS MINNIE MOUSE
» See it here.
In a way, this get-up — which Gaga wears toward the end of the epically long music video for “Paparazzi,” when she poisons her boyfriend (played by the delightful Alexander Skarsgard from “True Blood“) — is almost awesome. The spiked cuff and studded ring are chic in a classically punk way, and those expandable glasses are kind of like if John Lennon met Inspector Gadget.
We’d even go so far as to say that wearing a sunshine-yellow one-piece takes the kind of courage we could never muster. But the creepy geisha lips (with matte black lipstick, no less), black corset-as-outerwear and skinny fake tail push this whole Minnie Mouse thing over the top of good taste. Although expecting good taste from Gaga was probably our mistake, not hers.
INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE
» See it here.
We understand that vampire-mania is sweeping the country. Everyone wants a piece of Robert Pattinson, especially with “New Moon” coming out in a few months; “The Vampire Diaries” is getting some great ratings for the CW; and “True Blood” fans are freaking out over Sookie (Anna Paquin) and Bill (Stephen Moyer) getting married both on the show and in real life. But that does not make it OK for Lady Gaga to hang out around town wearing fake fangs and brandishing them at paparazzi.
Filed-to-a-point teeth are for Halloween only; have we no proper respect for holidays anymore?
BOUND AND GAGGED
» See it here, here, here, here, here and here.
Lady Gaga is always trying to make a statement, and with these mask-heavy outfits — the black one from a press stop in Malta during a recent tour, and the red lace one from this year’s VMAs — we can only guess that she’s trying to make a point about the objectification of women. Or maybe the isolation of fame. Possibly the inability to truly communicate with the world around you?
Whatever it is, we’re confused by it, especially because Gaga had to rip the red lace off her face in order to speak while accepting her Best New Artist VMA from Eminem. If you can’t talk through it, what’s the point? Or maybe that is the point? Whatever.
MILK, SUGAR AND A PINCH OF OBNOXIOUS
» See it here, here and here.
The last we heard, teatime is 4 p.m. and only 4 p.m. So if Lady Gaga could stop carrying around a teacup like she’s about to Earl Grey it up at any moment, the English would probably appreciate it. Aside from that whole unnecessary monarchy thing, that’s really all they have to cling onto.
» DAR Constitution Hall, 1776 D Street NW; Tues., Sept. 29, 8 p.m.; $43.50; (202) 628-4780. (Archives)
Written by Express contributor Rocky Hadadi
Photo by Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic/Getty Images and courtesy Interscope