Lonely at the Top

December 5, 2011

It’s tough being the 1 percent. It ruins Christmas when you want for nothing. Whole magazines such as the Robb Report and the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book exist solely to highlight stuff so insane that your friends can be pretty sure you don’t have it yet. We suggest putting these items on your wish list: They’re not only hilariously expensive, but they also allow you to assert your superiority over all the people who are not as rich as you are.


Just Add Cocaine

Writing songs never came easily to you. After all, a whole lot of the best music comes out of desire — for love, money, success — and you’ve always been able to buy whatever you want. Except talent. Rock Royalty makes a customized Fender Telecaster ($100,000) with diamond-encrusted volume knobs and tuning pegs, and a body wrapped in black alligator skin. Now you just have to hire some people to write your music, and you’re this close to being a rock star.


A Luxury Tax? How Rude.

You probably already like Monopoly. It allows you to raise rents on the little people, buy up all the railroads and get out of jail free, which are three of the four favorite rich-people pastimes. (The other is unicorn polo.) Geoffrey Parker’s Monopoly set has calfskin sides, and board inlays embossed with silver and gold. You can order it with pewter pieces ($4,290), but Ayn Rand would want you to buy the sterling silver pieces ($7,390) or silver gilt pieces ($7,570).

iTaser App Not Far Behind

Are you worried that poor people are stealing your stuff? You should be! MobileCamViewer ($349.99 for a one-year subscription, App Store) lets you look at up to six different security camera feeds on your iPad at once. You can divide the cameras among your business, house and storage facilities, or among your summer house, winter house, spring break house and the house where you store the maps to all your other houses. Or you could spend the money on 353 copies of Angry Birds.


On Your Left! And Right!

Running out of things for your servants to do? Leave the bicycles to the dirty hipsters and make the proles pedal you around in Anthropologie’s $2,200 limited-edition rickshaw. It’s a little less humiliating to the underclass than traditional rickshaws, because instead of forcing them to run around while pulling your carriage, it allows them to tow you on a pretty green bicycle. It comes with streamers, a bell and a canopy. Oh, no! The Anthropologie model is no longer available. Happily, eBay has a large selection of similar conveyances.

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Christopher Porter | December 5, 2011