My unemployed friend is constantly on Facebook, and I’m worried that [the content of her posts] might be hindering her ability to find a job. Her posts are usually political and at times vulgar or laced with expletives. I once brought this up with her, and she said she was “protected” by her privacy settings, but is this true? -Friends Know Best
Oh, yeah. She’s protected by privacy settings the way my steak is protected by a large pit bull. Any 13-year-old hacker worth his pizza boxes can break into someone’s Facebook page and temporarily or permanently expose it to public view.
But even more crucial to your friend’s situation is that she doesn’t seem to realize that in job-seeking, it’s all about who you know. Even without security breaches, she has to understand that the very people who may be able to hook her up with a job lead are constantly seeing her unflattering shenanigans online. Not wise. Gently explain to her that while she’s job-hunting, she’d be helped by pretending she’s on an interview during all her public interactions — unless she’s the type of person who drops the F-bomb in a job interview.
Break Up With Your Outlook
I’m in my early 30s and have never had a lengthy romantic relationship. I suppose I’m a little shy, and a lot picky. I’ve had a lot of dates and some sexual relationships, but nothing you could really consider committed. At this point in my life I feel like it’s a liability. I don’t know how to bring it up with guys, and then when I overthink it, I hold back and things get even weirder. -Help
I can understand why this sometimes feels like a burden to you. But I guarantee — despite my sounding like some penny-candy-pushing great aunt when I say this — that your lack of relationship experience doesn’t have to be a negative thing.
In fact, seeing it as this “thing” — some secret, or flaw or skeleton in a closet that needs to be revealed — probably has more of a negative impact than your lack of relationships. So keep dating, keep living, keep learning, and if someone worthy should come along, keep loving. You are who you are. And if I can’t convince you that that’s not at all diminished by not having had an official boyfriend, then you need to find another psychologist (preferably with a comfy couch) who can.