Keep on Falling Out of Love


I’m 27 and having trouble finding what I really like in a guy. I can enjoy a guy’s company, and everything goes great for a short while, and then I seem to lose interest or get bored. I always find an issue and quickly let my feelings fade. Maybe I’m just infatuated with people and it’s not that I’m truly interested in them. I’m starting to think that I’m in love with being loved. -In Love With Love

I can’t tell whether it’s really that you’re in love with love or whether you’re bored with being bored. Are there patterns in the personalities of those you go for or in what you start to find wrong with them?

It could be that you have problems opening yourself up, and so the relationship stays superficial and stalls when emotional intimacy doesn’t enter the equation. Or it could be that the chase is far more attractive than the mundane day-to-day details of a relationship. My guess is that you might be dating for the sake of dating, instead of focusing on fully living your life. If you load up on things you’re passionate about (hobbies, travel, volunteering), then guys you meet along the way are much more likely to be a true match.

Marrying You, Not Your Father

My fiancé and I are supposed to be married in May. Throughout our wedding planning, he’s mentioned that he would like my father’s blessing, since my dad and I are close. My father has made several comments to show his disapproval of the relationship. Lately, my fiancé has been saying things like, “Maybe we should wait.” I’m getting fed up with him trying to please my father, because it is making me wary of the whole wedding. -Stressed Bride

Ay yi yi. With all due respect, this is what happens when wedding planning gets in the way of marriage planning. If your fiancé’s decision to marry you is contingent on your dad’s approval, then he shouldn’t have decided to marry you without said approval. Same for you.

And the fact that you’re growing wary of your wedding for something that should have been worked through beforehand makes me think that this entire thing has been too hasty. I know, I know — you’ve already sunk a ton on that photographer deposit. But please take a step back and see a counselor. The stress of postponing a wedding is nothing compared to the pain of undoing a marriage.

Dr. Andrea Bonior writes Express' advice column, Baggage Check.
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Vicky Hallett · February 14, 2012