Bad Company


If seasonal allergies aren’t getting to you yet, I bet the seasonal tourists riding the Metro are. And Claritin can’t do anything about the hordes blocking entrance gates and posing for photos precisely where you need to be walking. I have a theory that teenage boys on school trips are essentially biological weapons designed to drive the rest of us nuts.

But as irritating as most tourists are, there are plenty of everyday riders out there whose behavior is worse. I’ve concluded that these are the five most awful kinds of people on the Metro.

The Seat Hoarders

You don’t want someone smelly to sit down beside you. I understand. That still doesn’t give you the right to put a bag on a seat that another human could be using on a crowded car. And that “I’m oblivious” act? It’s not fooling anybody.

The Volumizers

Do I need to speak up? I’m sorry, you probably can’t hear me over the obnoxiously loud music you’re pumping into your ears — and the ears of every other person stuck on this train with you. Last week, I ended up crammed into a car with several of your kind, and the result was a cacophony of terrible. At least I didn’t also have to deal with your cousins, the people who have their cell phone volume cranked to 11 while they play games.

The Human Hurdles

Perhaps you think it’s convenient that you’re right in front of the doors and ready to get off five stops from now. It’s not for anyone else. Sometimes there’s really nowhere to move, but unless there’s an invisible force field I’ve just managed to avoid, there’s usually no reason you can’t take a few steps and get the heck out of the way of people trying to enter and exit.

The Tanked Talkers

There’s nothing wrong with being inebriated on the Metro — it’s way better than driving drunk. Chugging that last beer didn’t make you more fascinating, however, and the rest of us don’t appreciate being subjected to your ramblings. This is doubly true if you’re a dude putting on a show to impress the ladies.

The Litter-ati

If you abandon soda bottles that’ll roll around on the floor, or bags of chips that’ll make others trip, you’re clearly trash. I’d like to send a special hand gesture to anyone who leaves copies of our paper strewn all over the train. Pass it on to a friend or drop it in the recycling bin, and stop making us look bad.

Vicky Hallett is a MisFits columnist and the Fit editor for Express.
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