Breast, Bottle or Blood? (Hint: Blood)

Bella savors the scent of her tasty, tasty half-human daughter.

In “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part II,” opening Friday, Edward and the newly wed, newly vampired Bella strive to protect their half-human, half-vampire daughter, Renesmee (played by Mackenzie Foy), from the Volturi. The rulers of vampirekind know that kids are terrible at keeping secrets, like the fact that vampires exist, and thus they disapprove of underage bloodsuckers.

So, that’s a pain. So are the multitude of other issues Edward and Bella face that most first-time parents don’t. Superstrong Renesmee grows superfast. Adult werewolf Jacob has “imprinted” on her, so she pretty much has to marry him. She wants blood, so forget breast-feeding. At least she’s born with a full set of pearly whites, so the Cullens are spared teething.

Vampires in “Twilight” don’t sleep, but Renesmee, being half human, does. This is good news for her brain development, as sleep is important for learning, says Steve Silvestro, a pediatrician practicing in North Bethesda. (He’s also a bone-marrow harvester at Georgetown University Hospital, so he shares a vampire’s passion for the red stuff.)

“Sleep is the time when kids tend to grow the most,” he says. “And if Edward and Bella want to work on [child] No. 2, they need some alone time.” (Since two vampires can’t conceive, we’ll assume they enjoy practicing.)

The instant babies become mobile, they’re on a mission to injure themselves, so parents childproof, even though those drawer latches are incredibly annoying. For Renesmee, who can walk at three weeks and jump 15 feet in the air at three months, there’s another reason to childproof: “The most important thing is to make sure that all of your stuff stays intact,” Silvestro says.

Vaccinations are a must, he adds: “She may be indestructible, but I don’t know if polio would damage her nervous system.”

Silvestro foresees potential land mines in Renesmee’s teen years. Even though Jacob is her one and only, she shouldn’t settle down too young, especially with someone once obsessed with her mom. “The best thing is for her to figure out what she really wants and play the field,” he says.

Worst of all for Mom and Dad: Renesmee may physically be a teenager forever. Meaning she’ll have plenty of time to scream, “I wish you had never chewed me out of my mother’s uterus!” at Edward.

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