Let’s get a few things out of the way: Soylent Green is people, Rosebud is a sled, and Macbeth gets killed by Macduff because Macduff’s mom had a C-section and he’s therefore not of woman born. Spoilers aren’t spoilers if the information is already out there. This winter will bring a bunch of films with knowable endings, but the point of these movies is the journey, not the destination.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Release date: Dec. 14
We’re not sure how EXACTLY this will end, since this is the first of three films director Peter Jackson based on one book. But “Unexpected”? We all know what’s coming: Walking. And dwarfs.
Release Date: Dec. 21
Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts star in this film about a real-life family that makes it through the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami. So, they all live! After enduring a lot of tsunami-related horribleness, though.
Zero Dark Thirty
Release Date: Jan. 11
Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow follows up “The Hurt Locker” with a film about the hunt for Osama bin Laden. President Obama spoiled the ending of this one last year.
West of Memphis
Release date: Jan. 25
It would seem that Peter Jackson is busy enough, but the “Hobbit” director found time to produce this documentary about the “West Memphis Three,” a trio of teens falsely convicted of Satanic-style murders. They served 18 years for the crime but were released in 2011. Way to spoil the ending, actual events.
Release Date: Feb. 14 (duh)
It’s based on a Nicholas Sparks novel, which means there will be a young, beautiful couple in love. Other characters to expect: a wise curmudgeon and some sort of fatal disease. We encourage laying bets on what said disease will be (please be more specific than “cancer,” as it’s nearly ALWAYS cancer).