Schooled by TV

December 27, 2012

TV taught me so much in 2012. Here are a few of the things I learned:

“America’s Test Kitchen” showed me that the easiest way to remove the core of an apple I wish to bake is with a melon baller.

Trapped in a straitjacket while hanging upside down? According to “The Amazing Race,” extend arms over head and start wriggling.

“The Voice’s” Blake Shelton is a role model for how to look real cool when listening to music: Dip neck and chin forward as if you were a chicken about to peck at tasty grains.

“Louie” taught me that if I buy a doll for a gift and the eyes have fallen inside the doll’s head, simply saw off the cranium, superglue the eyes back on and use a paint of melted crayons to cover collateral damage. Tip: Do not stick finger with superglue into your own eye.

“Homeland” made me realize that if I call my spouse on her cellphone and I hear suspicious noises that sound as if she’s maybe murdering someone, she probably is.

“30 Rock,” you gave me memorable advice on how to cope when I’m feelin’ uptight: “Unwindulax.”

Marc Silver has been watching TV since the days when people wrapped aluminum foil around TV antennae to improve reception.
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