Early Judge-ment

January 17, 2013
muse

In this 12th season of “American Idol,” no one cares about the singers. The big question is: What’s up with the judges? Nicki Minaj, above right, has already threatened to kill Mariah Carey, above left. (Well, that’s what Mariah said.) Here’s a look at the allegedly dueling divas, culled from the two-night premiere, which began Wednesday and continues tonight at 8 on Fox.

Hair wars: Nicki’s hair is bigger and blonder. True, it’s a wig, but as the joke goes, she paid for it so it’s definitely her hair.

Nurturing chops: Mariah is kinda boring: “Your potential is great.” Nicki is FREAKIN’ AWESOME: “Babe, I really mean what I say when I say you are special. I love that you own it.”

Likely heir to Paula Abdul Crazypants crown: Nicki, who voted “no” for a female auditioner because she had on the same color eyeshadow as Nicki and thus “we have a rivalry.”

Evidence of tensions: Nicki assessing a contestant: “Her range is better than Mariah’s.” Mariah: “This is what I deal with [at] my job.”

Keith Urban’s perspective: The soft-spoken country singer sits between the two women. He says: “I swear I feel like a scratching post.”

Marc Silver has been watching TV since the days when people wrapped aluminum foil around TV antennae to improve reception.
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Katie Aberbach · January 17, 2013