Brain Man

NUP_155316_0750

Ryan Lochte, the haters mock you and your new reality show, “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” (10 p.m. Sundays on E!). Google the show’s title and the word “stupid,” and 89,700 results come up. But could your seeming stupidity mask an intellect as deep as the Olympic pool in which you earned your medals? Let’s review the evidence:

Lochte is a master of the debating technique in which one debater asks the other for a definition of terms.

Off-camera voice: Would you describe yourself as a player?

Lochte: Describe player.

He is an astute observer of human character, noting that “D.C. girls are straight to the point. Politics, politics, politics and more politics.”

He is an enthusiastic coiner of new words: There’s his trademark exclamation “jeah”; “emphadence” (as in, “you have to really put the emphadence on that J and E in “jeah”); and “comperative” (as in, “Bowling with the Lochtes is very comperative”).

He upholds family values: “Without family I don’t know where I’d be.”

Then again, his favorite president is Abraham Lincoln because Lincoln “can rock a top hat.”

Conclusion: Perhaps not as stupid as they say, comperatively speaking.

Marc Silver has been watching TV since the days when people wrapped aluminum foil around TV antennae to improve reception.
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