TV viewers who like funny female cable stars are in luck! La Toya Jackson, above right, shares her laugh (“he he he”) and naively amusing insights in “Life With La Toya (OWN, 9:30 p.m. Saturdays). Comic Amy Schumer, above left, reveals her dirty mind in skits and interviews she conducts with real people on “Inside Amy Schumer” (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m. Tuesdays). Which gal prompts more guffaws? You be the judge.
What makes ’em feel better: Amy: Eating cold pasta from a colander, “Ambien for elephants.” La Toya: “Ya can’t cry when you’re eatin’ candy, can ya?”
Date prep: La Toya considers taking a self-defense course.
After a guy asks her to text sexy photos, Amy aims her phone at several body orifices, gives up and hires a stylist.
Window into the mind: After a one-night stand Amy thinks went well, she Googles her date’s name to find out his occupation, samples wedding cakes and hires a grave-digger to dig his-and-her graves.
Visiting an adoption agency, La Toya asks, “I would love to see what you have available — do you guys have, like, a catalog?”