Fowl Play

muse

Last week, 11.8 million folks saw the Season 4 premiere of “Duck Dynasty” (10 p.m. Wednesdays, A&E), starring the bushy-bearded Robertson men, owners of a duck-call business. No cable reality show has drawn more viewers.

But is “DD” really reality? Consider the premiere:

Two sons say their dad, Phil, and mom, “Miss Kay,” never had a proper wedding. Their wives decide to stage a vow renewal. Odds the wives just happened to hatch the idea: 1 in 1,000.

To his bossy wife, Willie declares, “Cream is whipped, a horse is whipped, Willie ain’t whipped.” Odds he made up the quip by himself: 1 in 10,000.

Phil’s brother Si finds the tree Phil and Miss Kay carved initials on half-a-century ago. Odds these are truly their 50-year-old initials, not a re-creation for the TV show: 1 in 1,000,000.

Dim-witted neighbor “Mountain Man” takes scraggly branches and builds a graceful arbor festooned with white blooms. Odds he built it all by himself: 1 in a googolplex.

Miss Kay to Phil: “From the time I was 14 years old, I loved you. I loved you when you were not so nice, and now you are real nice.” This, I believe!

Rudi Greenberg is Express' Weekend Pass editor and comedy columnist.
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