Which local Fourth of July event is right for you? Take this quiz to find out.


Go Fourth! (Mandel Ngan/Getty Images)

Every year, tourists descend on the National Mall for the annual Independence Day fireworks show above the monuments and the Capitol. If you’re a local, you probably know better than to brave the crowds on the Mall. Or you’re one of the nearly 1 million D.C.-area residents planning to get out of town for the long weekend. If you’re sticking around, though, the best place to catch fireworks is from one of the District’s ever-increasing rooftop decks (particularly if it’s your own — most ticketed roof parties have sold out). Of course, there are plenty of ways to celebrate on Friday. We’ve devised a quiz to help you figure out which Fourth of July event is right for you.

How much do you like fireworks?

A. I want to be one with the fireworks. I will dance with the flames.

B. Once a year, they are pretty awesome.

C. Fireworks are fine, but they’d be better in my belly.

D. I like watching fireworks, but I shouldn’t play with fireworks.

E. If I never saw another fireworks show again, I would die happy.

Is barbecue an essential ingredient to Fourth of July fun?

A. Only if there are fireworks involved.

B. No, but it’s a nice option.

C. Essential? It’s the ONLY reason I can stand Independence Day.

D. Only if it’s a Beer-BQ.

E. I’ll eat when I’m hungry. The how, what, where, why and when don’t concern you.

How much are you willing to spend?

A. Is “free” an option?

B. I’m flexible.

C. I’ll pay for food and booze.

D. I’ll pay for booze and food.

E. Money? Who do you think I am?

How much do you like other people?

A. I love people! Especially loud kids!

B. I don’t mind a crowd.

C. I like some people.

D. People are better when I’ve been drinking.

E. Stay away from me, people.

Which of the following best says “America” to you?

A. Fireworks

B. Baseball

C. Barbecue

D. Craft beer

E. Freedom

 

IF YOU ANSWERED …

Mostly As

‘A Capitol Fourth’: OK, we get it: You want to see the fireworks from America’s front yard. It’s free, you can watch a concert beforehand and everyone should probably do it once. Just don’t say we didn’t warn you. .

Mostly Bs

Nationals vs. Cubs:
The Nats will don patriotic uniforms for their day game against the visiting Chicago Cubs, which features a tribute to members of the military and gives you plenty of time to catch fireworks at night.

Nationals Park, 1500 S. Capitol St. SE, Fri., 11:05 a.m., $25-$350; 202-675-6287. (Navy Yard)

Mostly Cs

Hill Country Backyard BBQ: Hill Country’s barbecue pop-up at the National Building Museum continues on the Fourth with a selection of the Chinatown restaurant’s finest meats, Shiner beers and, beginning at 5 p.m., live music from country artist Jeremy Steding and rockers Slim Kings.

National Building Museum, 401 F St. NW; Fri., 2 p.m., free; 202-272-2448. (Judiciary Sq)

OR

The Brixton’s Hot Dog Eating Contest: Happy hour runs from 1 to 7 p.m. at the Brixton, with its second-annual hot dog eating contest beginning at 4 p.m. Sign-ups start at 1 p.m. and competitors will have 10 minutes to eat as many dogs as possible. The winner gets a $75 bar tab that he or she can promptly spend on $15 buckets of Bud Light. Stay late enough and catch fireworks from the bar’s roof.

The Brixton, 901 U St., Fri., 4 p.m., free; 202-560-5045. (U Street)

Mostly Ds

City Tap House’s Fourth of July BeerBQ Battle: The cooks at City Tap House face off against representatives from D.C.’s 3 Stars Brewing Co. and Salisbury, Md.’s Evolution Craft Brewing Co. in a BBQ cook-off that you get to judge. For $10, you get samples of all meats and sides. Each brewery will have 10 brews on tap, priced at $5.

City Tap House DC, 901 Ninth St. NW; Fri., noon-5 p.m., free; 202-733-5333. (Mt Vernon Sq)

First Annual Freedom Fest: Republic celebrates a new Montgomery County, Md., law that allows local microbreweries producing less than 22,500 barrels a year to sell directly to restaurants. What does that mean for you? A wide variety of all-you-can-drink local beers for $50 (for the full day) or $35 (for one of two sessions, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. or 3-7 p.m.) — with slow-smoked pork and live music.

Republic, 6939 Laurel Ave., Takoma Park, Md.; Fri., 11 a.m.-7 p.m., $35-$50, 301-270-3000. (Takoma)

Mostly Es

Exercise your constitutional right to stay home and watch a movie on Netflix. It’s what the founders would have wanted.

 

For more Fourth of July fun, visit the Washington Post’s Going Out Guide:

Fireworks on the Mall: What you need to know to have a fabulous July Fourth in D.C.

Five suburban spots for an independent Fourth of July

Celebrate July 4 with cookouts, fireworks and water balloons

Rudi Greenberg is Express' Weekend Pass editor and comedy columnist.
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