I wasn’t going to file a column this week because I am SO VERY BUSY watching every episode of “The Simpsons” EVER as part of the 277-straight-hour marathon on FXX that started Thursday and won’t end until Sept. 1, after all 552 episodes plus “The Simpsons Movie” have aired.
But then the craziest thing happened. I began asking the Simpsons some questions — and they answered! I knew I had to share our exchange with my faithful readers.
As you know, I am glued to the TV, enjoying your show.
Marge: Sitting that close to the TV is bad for your health.
Are there any dangers to excessive “Simpsons” watching? Homer, you watch a lot of TV. Any effects on you?
Homer: I hope I didn’t brain my damage.
You’ve been faithful to Fox TV for a quarter of a century. What do you think about Fox?
Marge: You know, Fox turned into a hardcore sex channel so gradually, I didn’t even notice.
I wish I were part of your family.
Lisa: A man who envies our family is a man who needs help.
My wife is mad because I won’t leave the house during this binge. What can I say to her?
Homer: What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.
I guess I should get back to watching. Any parting words?
Lisa: We should thank our lucky stars that they’re still putting on a program of this caliber after so many years.