You have two choices when approaching Chief Ike's Mambo Room. There's the main bar and dance floor, where a funky crowd gyrates to hip-hop and house music before going home to write "I Saw You" ads. Or you could try the small door on the right, which leads upstairs to the Cosmo Lounge.

The comfortably scruffy Cosmo Lounge is a dimly lit space with two bars, a pool table and couches that look like they were rescued from the local charity shop. The rock-and-roll crowd, which is full of neighborhood regulars, has about as much pretension as the furniture.

There's never a cover, so you can use your money on $2 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, $3 bottles of Dixie beer or -- for you fancy Dans -- $5 bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale. Mixed drinks average $5 and don't skimp on the alcohol.

Despite the DJs spinning old-school ska, punk rock, mod tunes, there's only a little room to dance, and most folks (who usually come in groups) seem more interested in the music or pool table than pick-up lines.

So, reader, which door will you choose?

-- Fritz Hahn (updated March 2003)