After an opening that involves a bit of time juggling, "Hell Ride" comes to rest on July 4, 1976, when an attractive woman (Julia Jones) is set on fire. Thirty-two years later, a grizzled biker suffers a similar fate. The link? If the narrative weren't so purposely contorted, you'd know in half a heartbeat, but the lineup of suspects includes Pistolero (director and star Larry Bishop), the Gent (Michael Madsen) and Comanche (Eric Balfour). Dennis Hopper, who actually plays things refreshingly tongue-in-cheek, is Eddie Zero, a link to the crimes of the past.

There's a lot of posing and snarling, and more silicon breasts than you can shake a Wonderbra at, in this . . . what in the bloody world is it? Apparently an homage to, or parody of, the late-'60s biker flicks of Roger Corman ("The Wild Angels") and Richard Rush ("Hells Angels on Wheels") or perhaps the B-movies Bishop appeared in, way back when ("The Savage Seven," "Wild in the Streets"). But there's not the least bit of slyness about it, and an embarrassing amount of engine-gunning is expended toward not making any point.

After all the bloated lines are delivered, and dozens of women are debased, and Bishop has attitudinized the story line into incomprehensibility, audience members will be asking themselves how they got on this "Hell Ride" and what they did to deserve it.

-- John Anderson (Aug. 8, 2008)

Contains violence, rampant vulgarity and nudity, drug content and gore.