"Why did God send Terri Schiavo to hell?" "For the sin of sloth." "Why did God give Motley Crue such large penises?" "Well, so they'd be better equipped at dealing with the pain of life."
Not all of Neil Hamburger's humor is ecclesiastical, and much of it isn't exactly "funny," but his badly timed, phlegm-hacking, drink-slopping shtick does offer a keen, off-kilter commentary on fame, failure and unending human misery. With a string of riddles that come off like Al Jaffee after five divorces and a case of Popov, Hamburger mixes the gutter-licking crudity of '50s "sick" humor with an anesthetized take on the audience-pandering of today: "Anyone suffering from syphilis or gonorrhea, please work your way to the front of the stage."
You used to be "America's Funnyman." Now you're "The World's Funnyman." Why do we have to share?
That was strictly a marketing gimmick. It was just a situation where we went down to the U.S. copyright office and did some research and saw that the title "The World's Funnyman" had not yet been taken by anyone, so we grabbed it, before Carrot Top or somebody snatched it.
You frequently attack celebrities. Do you get calls from Robin Williams' people stating for the record that Mork does not have herpes?
No, because it was in the news that he did, that he had given herpes to this woman. ... So I welcome a lawsuit from Robin Williams saying that he doesn't have herpes, because we'll pull his foreskin right out there, put it on the table there in front of the judge and inspect the thing. I think that's one lawsuit I would win, unlike most of the other lawsuits that I'm fighting off. Those more have to do with nonpayment of bills, and it's very hard to win those.
Staying on the road should keep collectors at bay.
I've been served with subpoenas right onstage in the middle of my show.
Wow -- you and Glenn Danzig.
Exactly. We're very similar.
Do you work out, too? Do you think you could take Danzig?
Well, maybe in a pitching pennies game. I think I can outpitch pennies just about any of the shock rockers.
Is that really your hair?
I use a product called New Wave Hard Rock Gel. It's an Australian product, and whenever I tour Australia ... I fill an entire suitcase with tubs of this stuff.
When you're running low, do you ever fall back on a little flop sweat?
It's a mixture. The sweat mixes with the New Wave Hard Rock Gel to create the classy look that we're going for.
--Glenn Dixon (Express, September 6, 2007)
