Multiple choice: If you crave a triple-decker corned beef on rye with chopped liver, hard-boiled egg, raw onion and - what the heck - bacon, too, do you (a) lament noisily the extinction of sinful eating, (b) sigh and go chew some alfalfa sprouts, or (c) run immediately to Stage Door Deli in Alexandria?

If you answered "c," you have passed this test and may place your order by number. Behind the counter, preparation of your corned beef club, or your cream cheese and lox sandwich, or your kosher knockwurst, or your cheese blintz is a first-rate operation. A kingly sized man (perhaps he is even Big T of "Big T's Specialties") assembles the decadent ingredients with a generous hand. During his years of deli experience, he has learned well the fine art of packing a sandwich so it is difficult to fit in the human mouth.

Anything on the menu can be ordered to go. For here, park yourself at one of the mismatched tables, covered in plastic checkerboard, in back. Everything is old, jimmied together, and falling apart. In line with the stage door concept, there are a few posters of movie stars. Otherwise, this is a place without fuss, a place for serious eating: just you and the salami, no distractions.

Next week's test: triple bypass surgery.

- Rob Kunkle