Then she and her husband began to plan.
Page 5 of 5
Then she and her husband began to plan.
The next day was Sunday, so Jackie knew August would head to church in the morning. They prepared to notify her once she returned. Jackie and her husband, Richard, who works at the Pentagon, met the casualty notification officer and a chaplain at a nearby Dunkin’ Donuts.
Before Dave had left for Iraq, both he and August had been insistent that if he were killed, they would need to shield the boys from August’s reaction to the news. “Uncle Rich,” as they called Richard, would need to find them first and get them out of the house.
They drove to the Cabreras’ home in Olney, but August wasn’t there. Since an official government sedan idling in a residential neighborhood is impossible to camouflage, they retreated. Eventually, August texted that she had made a detour to the farmers market, and she was back home.
She was raking leaves while talking on the phone when she saw Jackie, with the men following. She dropped the phone.
Jackie caught her as she collapsed, and the new widow sat in the grass, hyperventilating, her eyes unfocused. She’s slipping away, Jackie thought. You need to stay with me, she said, and asked where the boys were. August motioned to the back yard, where they were playing ball with August’s father.
Richard ran to the back to scoop them up and take them to a friend’s home.
Is he hurt or is he dead? August asked. Hurt I can fix. Just tell me. Just tell me.
They told her she needed to go inside.
JUST TELL ME, she shouted.
The casualty officer looked at Jackie, who nodded, and he began the speech. The secretary of the Army regrets to inform you . . .
Don’t tell me what the secretary of the Army thinks, August shouted. He didn’t know my husband.
August stood and screamed a single word.
They knew each other for 10 years and 10 days. Until the end, the couple seemed smitten, embarrassing some friends with their public affection, making others jealous.
They married for the first time — eloped, really — at the Ritz-Carlton in Tysons Corner in October 2002. They married again along a stream in Maryland. They renewed their vows two more times, in Washington state and at a castle in Germany. Dave promised August they would marry each time they moved.
Inside their home, a digital picture frame displayed photos from around the world, from the top of Mount Kilimanjaro to underwater coral reefs. Dave always had to have the latest gadget and pored over electronics manuals as if they were beach thrillers. He always set his computer screen saver to photos of his family.
A similar slide show continued on August’s digital frame, projecting images of Dave with their two boys, 7-year-old Max and 6-year-old Roanin. She also had interspersed photos of his two children from a previous marriage who live with their mother, Angela, in Texas. Corbin, 14, and Gillian, 13, spent half of each summer with David and August, usually on a new adventure, such as the time they rented an RV and drove across the country.
“I told him I wouldn’t marry him until I could love his kids like my own,” August said. “When people ask me how many kids I have, I say four.”
Before volunteering for Afghanistan, David knew he would have to ask August.
“His passion was helping soldiers, and he knew he could help. And I think that deep down he needed to go,” she said, still trying to convince herself. “He didn’t have to go. I think that’s what kills me. He asked my permission to go. And I know he needed it. And so I said yes.”
She pulled out her phone and pointed to a text message: “UR my world. Be strong and keep our kids safe. I love u.”
It was his last text message before he left. It was hardly his last love note.
Before he deployed to Iraq, he left notes for her on Post-its hidden throughout the house; for weeks, August would find them tucked away in cupboards, in shoes, behind towels. One she keeps in her closet reads: “Will you marry me again when I come home?”
When he left for Afghanistan, he handed her a stack of index cards and told her to read them when she needed to hear him. “You are my one and only love,” reads one she keeps on top. She can’t read the others; they make her cry.
The day after she was notified of his death, she traveled to Dover, Del., to receive his body. Then she had to figure out how to tell the children.
“I’m not a child therapist — that was Dave’s job,” August said. “We talked about everything, except we never once talked about what would happen if he died. How do you tell a kid that his daddy is dead? We never had that conversation.”
She sat the children on her bed and told them there had been a terrible accident and their father wasn’t coming home. Roanin screamed, NO! Max just sobbed.
“They say little kids don’t know,” August said. “They know. They understood.”
They held a memorial service at the church the family attended in Fulton in Howard County. Everyone wore Hawaiian shirts (“This looks like a Jimmy Buffett convention,” one friend said before offering his eulogy). They held the official funeral just outside Houston on Veterans Day. The armistice ending World War I was signed at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in 1918. They started Cabrera’s funeral at 11:11 a.m. on 11/11/11.
The night before the burial at Arlington, Army Maj. Scot Pears walked over to a green velvet bag and unwrapped it, revealing a wooden box.
He walked onto a porch in Beltsville and set the box containing his best friend’s ashes on a table. Atop the box, he placed a cigar printed with the name of his daughter, Eliette Lynn Pears. Her first name is in honor of Cabrera’s middle name, Elliot. They call her Ellie. She was born less than a month after he died.
Pears slid a drink near the box, then picked up one for himself.
“He would have had a 7 and 7. This is a Crown and 7. Close enough,” said Pears, 41. “We would always have cigars, we’d sit like this and talk.”
They met in Fort Lewis, Wash., where Cabrera was assigned to the 3-2 Stryker Brigade, just before the two deployed to Iraq in 2006. Owing to his love of scuba diving, Cabrera had a mural of tropical fish covering an entire wall of the metal housing unit in the desert. That wasn’t the only thing different about him.
“Dave always went where the soldiers were. He was willing to go on the road when most docs would stay on the base,” Pears said. “Dave went out to every soldier he could.”
After returning from Iraq, Cabrera had counseled Pears on his marriage, and likely saved it. He talked Pears into going for counseling for PTSD.
“I went to 58 funerals on our 15-month tour,” Pears said. “I love the bagpipes, but I can’t listen to them anymore.”
Before Cabrera left for Afghanistan, he had one last instruction for his friend.
“Dave was like, ‘Watch out for my girl.’ And I was like, ‘I got it.’ But I heard her crying on the phone last night, and it got me. He said watch out for her.”
As the evening wore on, fireflies blurred past. Pears continued to sip his drink and puff his cigar. Eventually, Master Sgt. Johanning came outside. She had invited Pears and his wife, Annika, to stay with her before the funeral.
“Before you go to sleep, I want to make sure you put your BFF in the car,” she said, nodding to the box of ashes. “If I pull up to Arlington tomorrow and he’s not in the car . . .”
After receiving his assurance, she ducked back inside.
He tapped his cigar, held up another drink to his friend, and looked out into the dark as the fireflies winked out.
In a corner of Camp Phoenix, there’s a makeshift shack that looks lifted straight out of “M*A*S*H,” papered with cigar box labels and girlie photos, adorned with a sign that reads “Welcome to the Afghan Club Tiki Hut.”
When Cabrera arrived, the club had its regulars. For most, the new social worker wasn’t the first person they’d choose to approach.
“I’m an infantryman. My job is to hurt people and break s---,” said Lt. Col. Richard White, 45, speaking in a gravelly voice during a call from Afghanistan. “But Dave was there to help fix things, fix soldiers and make things better.”
That included the grizzled veteran.
“I’d never be the guy who would go to a doctor’s office. Rub dirt on it. Suck it up. Boys don’t cry,” White said. “But after a while, smoking a cigar with him, he’d end up talking to you. After a cigar, everything seemed better. He could get things out of you, and you’d never even know it. Dave saved me from a lot of crap. I was a patient, but not officially.”
There was a long pause.
“Dave was my human tranquilizer,” he finally said. “Relax. Calm down. Breathe.”
He followed those instructions, then continued.
“Spending time with Dave made life tolerable. This is my fourth deployment. Dave makes eight that I’ve lost.”
“I speak to a lot of people every day, but the number of people I talk to I can count on one hand. And Dave was one of that very small group,” he said. “You can’t talk to guys like me unless you’ve been there.”
At the top of a hill in Arlington, August Cabrera joined hands with her children and asked them to pray.
For strength, she said, for peace and for Daddy.
The honor guard took the box that, 12 hours earlier, had sat near a cigar and a drink, and placed it into the flag-draped casket on the caisson. Clopping horse hooves soon accompanied the cadence of a snare drum as the procession followed August and the boys down the hill.
Among the crowd, Jeff Yarvis still held the stone he had carried through the cemetery.
After Cabrera’s death, Yarvis had seriously considered retiring. Eventually, he thought about the work he’s doing and what still needs to be done. He thought about his patients, and Cabrera’s — some of whom he’s now seeing. After the burial, he had planned to join friends at the reception but would instead spend much of the day counseling a suicidal soldier.
“I’ve been on this whole mourning and spiritual sojourn since that time, and I’ve really come full circle,” he said later. “In a way, the whole piling of the stones is sort of coming full circle, in terms of, ‘This is who I am, who Dave was.’ Piling up stones keeps them alive, keeps their memories alive.”
The honor guard carried Dave’s ashes to the burial site, past a “Happy Father’s Day” balloon anchored to a new grave.
The chaplain said a prayer, followed by the rifle volley and taps. The few who weren’t crying by that point couldn’t hold it when Roanin let loose in loud, choking sobs. Max cried softly.
Miss Daddy, Max said.
I know, little bear, his mother said. I miss him, too.
Robert Cabrera, who raised Dave, approached the box with Gillian. Her brother Corbin kneeled by himself and placed his hand on the box.
Then, when most everyone had gone, August kneeled down before the box. She put her hands on both sides and dropped her head. Then she raised her eyes to the sky.
Dave, she cried. Dave.
Three days after the funeral, a group gathered at the Uniformed Services University near a new bronze plaque at the entrance to the clinic that reads, “The David E. Cabrera University Family Health Center.” Johanning figures that’s too much to say at once; she says they’ll eventually answer the phone, “Dave’s place.”
At the dedication, Navy Capt. Mark Stephens addressed the crowd.
Stephens signed one of the orders that allowed Cabrera to deploy. He has struggled with guilt of his own — feelings he didn’t fully acknowledge until a recent talk at a social workers’ conference dedicated to Cabrera, when he struggled for composure while trying to describe Cabrera’s impact.
As the dedication began, he walked past the podium, to the middle of the crowd, and began to read a poem he wrote.
Today I followed a caisson
To lonely drummers’ sound
Midst friends (yet quite alone) I walked
Our nation’s hallowed grounds.
A widow’s cry; a son’s lost stare, my thoughts
Did render pause,
How high the price? How great the man
After volleys fired the bugler’s tones the sounds
Did quiet cease.
Godspeed, my friend, farewell for now
My Brother, rest in peace.
August Cabrera had one more decision. She hadn’t planned her husband’s headstone.
She knew how the top would read. The first five lines are relatively standard.
NOV 26 1969
OCT 29 2011
She knew he would like to have PhD on there somewhere — he worked so hard for his doctorate. But she figured he had enough initials on there already. Some stones have traditional epitaphs, such as “A LOVING FATHER” or “WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER.”
She asked her two little boys what they should have engraved — something that would capture who he was — and Max immediately had a suggestion. As soon as he said it, she knew the 7-year-old’s words would be the headstone’s last line:
“A SOLDIER OF KINDNESS”