Jack: We can sell ad space at $250k per 30 seconds.
Eva: An attractive and intelligent woman finds men on Internet dating sites that all turn out to have photos that are taken 20 years earlier, and their idea of being a social drinker is downing five martinis in the first 30 minutes. Between each date, she tries to tell herself that there are many “real” men out there; she’s just not been lucky.
Jack: Enjoying time with friends.
Eva: On the back of a horse.
Jack: News, travel, horses, great meals, a passion for cars.
Eva: Humanitarian interests, animal welfare, conservative politics, traveling, cooking and dining, theater, classic rock, enjoying home life.
Jack: 70 percent.
Eva: Pretty good as far as talking and enjoying learning about a new person; not so good as far as keeping as a friend.
Jack: A smart head-turner.
Eva: Fairly tall, likes animals and kids, not too possessive, treats people (especially waiters, salespeople, etc.) with respect and kindness, not overweight (doesn’t have to be buff), not a hunter, single, somewhat wordly and definitely not religious
About the date ...
7:30 p.m., American Tap Room, Clarendon
Jack: I got there maybe a little bit before 7:30. I even brought her a flower. I figured I’d try to make a good first impression. She followed maybe 10 or 15 minutes later.
Eva: This was my first blind date. I don’t do much dating but went into this with an open and hopeful mind. I got there at 7:30.
Jack: Looks were okay, demeanor ... it was like she was looking down at the whole thing. [My type is] a little bit younger, usually a brunette. When she sat down, the first thing out of her lips was, “You know these things, most of them fail; we can’t expect too much out of this.” I just thought it was a funny way to start a conversation.
Eva: I don’t recall stating anything about these dates not working out. I did mention that this is a lot like a lottery: “You can’t win if you don’t play.” My first impression, however, was that this one would not work out. I thought, you know, We’ll see what happens. Unfortunately, my feelings were validated as time went by.
Jack: The waiter brought my drink and took her order. I tried to move [the conversation] around a little bit. She brought out that she enjoys riding horses. I enjoy horseback riding, too. She said, “Well, I ride dressage; there’s no comparison.” Just trying to set it apart. I said, “Well, that’s okay, don’t you ever just get on a horse and ride it just to ride it?” And she says, “No, that wouldn’t be right.” It sounded like she enjoyed being with a horse more than a human.
Eva: He indicated he knew a lot about horses; however, he had never heard of dressage or three-day eventing. I have ridden horses for many years; that is my passion. I am currently leasing a wonderful dressage horse.
Jack: We got onto movies. We talked politics a little bit. We were both Republicans. I thought that was good.
Eva: We did speak a bit about the election; I was very surprised that he was unaware of the Romney “47 percent” gaffe, although professing to listen to a lot of news.
Jack: It was just, you know, a little banter back and forth. She was very guarded. By the time our meals were delivered, I knew then that the only way to save it was to cut it short.
Eva: For me it was an uncomfortable situation. It was just very weird, very strange. There would not be anything positive, and so I’d really rather not say anything. It’s awkward; I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. What my perception is is all it is: just my perception. Someone else might think something completely different.
Jack: After she ate her salad, she said she was going to the bathroom ... and she never came back! When the waiter came — this was, like, 15 minutes later — I said, “I guess you better bring the check; it doesn’t look like she’s coming back.”
Eva: To avoid awkwardness and lengthy explanations, I decided to leave. The interaction was becoming painful, and it was time to go. [There was] just absolutely no compatability, and I didn’t want to stick it out for the duration. I made a quiet exit. I’d rather not say what in particular prompted me.
Jack: I don’t know, at least as an adult, if they were closing out the conversation, say, “Nice knowing you, bye,” or something. But there wasn’t even that. It was, I guess, unusual. I think when I got in the car and started it was about 10 o’clock.
Eva: [I’d rate the date] 1 [out of 5]. Secretly you hope for Prince Charming, but the reality is usually something different. He was just completely and totally and 100 percent not anything that I would be interested in. It was just an all-around bad experience for me that I will not repeat. There’s no way you could have predicted anything. You couldn’t have predicted chemistry, you couldn’t have predicted people’s likes and dislikes and conversation habits and things like that. It’s not [Date Lab’s] fault, it’s just something that happens.
Jack: I’d rate her maybe a 2, but the evening I’ll rate a 4, just because it was a nice restaurant and you guys picked up the check!
UPDATE: We’re guessing you figured it out. And although this might be the Magazine’s Humor Issue, we are not joking here.