Date Lab: Two comedians walk into a belated date ...
By Ellen McCarthy,
About the daters ...
Desired superpower ...
Mateo: I’d want the Green Lantern’s power ring. Duh. It does everything: You can fly, it makes you stronger, it’s the most efficient superpower ever. Yeah, I’d totally fight crime.
Samantha: I would want the power to snap my fingers and have the dishes clean. I absolutely love making elaborate dinners, but the worst part is cleaning up after.
Happiest when ...
Mateo: When I’m performing improv.
Samantha: Cooking and baking for my friends. And eating.
Your type ...
Mateo: I like brunettes, but ultimately I’m sucker for a beautiful pair of eyes and a smile to match. Any girl that can laugh is a hit in my book.
Samantha: Funny. But not stupid funny — smart-witty-“Arrested Development” funny. Someone who won’t be intimidated by my forwardness and honesty. And attractive, for sure.
Brag a little ...
Mateo: I’m really funny (like, really funny), I’m chivalrous, I’m respectful, and I’m always up for trying new things. I’m always loyal to the people I care about.
Samantha: If anything, I’m witty. I did stand-up and sketch comedy in college and have a good sense of my own humor (which can be harsh at times). I am also ridiculously domestic and love to feed those around me and can bake a mean cake. And because I do so much yoga, I’m pretty cute, too.
We tried to set these two up last year; by the time we contacted them, however, both were in other relationships. But when Mateo e-mailed us recently to say he was back on the proverbial market, we thought it was time to give this match another go.
About the date ...
7:30 p.m., Newton’s Table, Bethesda
Mateo: I was so excited, because I wanted to finally meet this person I was supposed to meet six months ago. It was like a crescendo of excitement and nerves as it came to a head. I got there probably around 7:20 and sat down.
Samantha: I got there at 7:30. They walked me over to the table, and he was already at the table. He had a really nice smile. He was dressed well, which was nice. I wasn't overtaken by his looks, but he wasn’t unattractive, which was good.
Mateo: She was very beautiful. She’s brunette, and I really like brunettes. My first impression was probably, Wow, I can’t believe I met someone who talks as much as I do. This is awesome.
Samantha: The conversation was really easy. It took us a really long time to order. The waiter kept coming over and we kept saying, “We haven’t even looked yet.” It didn’t take us very long to figure out why we were set up. We both do comedy in D.C.
Mateo: It was really cool to meet an attractive girl that did stand-up in the area. We talked a lot about comedy. We talked about non-sequitur humor and misdirection. It was clear to me that she knew the building blocks of comedy. On top of the artistic, she also had the scientific approach that I also kind of take, and not a lot of other comedians take.
Samantha: He’s a little hokey at times, which is fine. His humor was mostly dry, which was good — pretty witty. I do think we had a similar sense of humor. I had a glass of wine. He did not. He said he doesn’t drink much. I didn’t pry.
Mateo: I just don’t drink anything if I drive — at all. We got the duck confit nachos to start. And then she got the surf and turf, and I got the crab cakes. Actually, we swapped a little bit.
Samantha: That was good, because I like to eat everything. We were probably the youngest people in the restaurant. We both are a little loud and curse a lot. I was like, “Oh, man, this is just not the setting we should’ve been put in.”
Mateo: We have this thing in common where we both like to push the limits on stage. My dad is always like, “How are you ever going to find a girl with a mouth like that on stage?” So it’s like, “Ha! I found a girl, and she swears on stage.” We talked about how polite conversation is great and all, but sometimes you need to drop an F-bomb.
Samantha: I would say that our chemistry was definitely more on a friend side. I think maybe toward the end of the night it got a little more flirtatious.
Mateo: It’s hard for me to tell when I’m flirting. I’m very jokey with people all the time. But, I mean, yeah. I think [there was flirting]. We were there until about 10 p.m. I walked her to her car, and I told her that I had a good time, and I asked her for her number, and she gave it to me. And then we hugged and then she left, and I walked back to my car. And I got mugged. ... No, I didn’t get mugged. I just wanted to freak you out.
Samantha: He texted me to make sure I got home, which was really nice. I would definitely see him again, but I don’t know if it would really turn into a relationship. But there is a lot in common there.
Mateo: I think we’re definitely going to go out again. And I think we’re both in the same place in our lives where we’re not looking for anything super-serious. [I would rate the date] 4.25 [out of 5], because there’s definitely not another one of her out there.
Samantha: I think I will go with a 3.75. We had a lot in common in the comedy arena. And I came away thinking I had a really good time with him.
UPDATE: Samantha and Mateo continued texting and met up for dinner a few days later. “We had a really great time, but we realized that we had very different values,” she says. It was disappointing, Mateo says, but “we definitely plan to be friends. And I’m not just giving that lip service.”
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