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Dave Barry’s 2011 Year in Review

The humor writer explains why 2011 was a festival of sleaze.

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Dave Barry writes: “As the year wore on, frustration finally boiled over in the form of the Occupy Various Random Spaces movement, wherein people who were sick and tired of a lot of stuff finally got off their butts and started working for meaningful change via direct action in the form of sitting around and forming multiple committees and drumming and not directly issuing any specific demands but definitely having a lot of strongly held views for and against a wide variety of things. Incredibly, even this did not bring about meaningful change. The economy remained wretched, especially unemployment, which got so bad that many Americans gave up even trying to work. Congress, for example.”

Illustration by Drew Friedman / For The Washington Post

At the end of each year, humor writer Dave Barry sums up what the last 12 months brought us. Looking back to review 2011, he says: “It was the kind of year that made a person look back fondly on the gulf oil spill. Granted, the oil spill was bad. But it did not result in a high-decibel, weeks-long national conversation about a bulge in a congressman’s underpants. Which is exactly what we had in the Festival of Sleaze that was 2011 ... [But] what made it truly awful was the economy, which, for what felt like the 17th straight year, continued to stagger around like a zombie on crack.

At the end of each year, humor writer Dave Barry sums up what the last 12 months brought us. Looking back to review 2011, he says: “It was the kind of year that made a person look back fondly on the gulf oil spill. Granted, the oil spill was bad. But it did not result in a high-decibel, weeks-long national conversation about a bulge in a congressman’s underpants. Which is exactly what we had in the Festival of Sleaze that was 2011 ... [But] what made it truly awful was the economy, which, for what felt like the 17th straight year, continued to stagger around like a zombie on crack.

Illustration by Drew Friedman / For The Washington Post

Among the 2011 developments, writes Barry: “Kim Kardashian finally found her lifetime soul mate for nearly 2 1/2 months. ... A Twitter account belonging to Anthony Weiner -- a feisty, ambitious Democratic up-and-comer who managed to get elected to Congress despite looking like a nocturnal rodent that somehow got a full-body wax and acquired a gym membership -- tweets a link to a photograph of a pair of briefs containing what appears to be a congressional member rarin’ to filibuster, if you catch my drift. ... It was a year in which the nation was subjected to a seemingly endless barrage of highly publicized pronouncements from Charlie Sheen, a man who, where you have a central nervous system, has a Magic 8-Ball. ... In domestic affairs, Arnold Schwarzenegger reveals that he fathered the child of a member of his household staff.

Among the 2011 developments, writes Barry: “Kim Kardashian finally found her lifetime soul mate for nearly 2 1/2 months. ... A Twitter account belonging to Anthony Weiner -- a feisty, ambitious Democratic up-and-comer who managed to get elected to Congress despite looking like a nocturnal rodent that somehow got a full-body wax and acquired a gym membership -- tweets a link to a photograph of a pair of briefs containing what appears to be a congressional member rarin’ to filibuster, if you catch my drift. ... It was a year in which the nation was subjected to a seemingly endless barrage of highly publicized pronouncements from Charlie Sheen, a man who, where you have a central nervous system, has a Magic 8-Ball. ... In domestic affairs, Arnold Schwarzenegger reveals that he fathered the child of a member of his household staff.

/ by Drew Friedman

Writes Barry: “Despite a prophecy by revered Christian radio lunatic Harold Camping, the world did not end on May 21.”

Writes Barry: “Despite a prophecy by revered Christian radio lunatic Harold Camping, the world did not end on May 21.”

Illustration by Drew Friedman / For The Washington Post

Writes Barry: “Chinese President Hu Jintao is honored at a White House dinner for 225 luminaries, who dine on prime rib accompanied by 17,000 little plastic packets of soy sauce. As the official state gift from the United States, President Obama presents Hu with a six-pack of Bud Light, this being the only American product the White House staff can find that is not manufactured in China.”

Writes Barry: “Chinese President Hu Jintao is honored at a White House dinner for 225 luminaries, who dine on prime rib accompanied by 17,000 little plastic packets of soy sauce. As the official state gift from the United States, President Obama presents Hu with a six-pack of Bud Light, this being the only American product the White House staff can find that is not manufactured in China.”

/ by Drew Friedman

Writes Barry: “On Broadway, the troubled musical ‘Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark’ suffers a setback when three actors and 11 audience members are injured in what the producers describe as a ‘catastrophic spandex failure’ [and] four orchestra musicians are killed by what producers describe as a ‘freak clarinet accident.’ “

Writes Barry: “On Broadway, the troubled musical ‘Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark’ suffers a setback when three actors and 11 audience members are injured in what the producers describe as a ‘catastrophic spandex failure’ [and] four orchestra musicians are killed by what producers describe as a ‘freak clarinet accident.’ “

Illustration by Drew Friedman / For The Washington Post

Writes Barry: “In England, the News Corp. media empire comes under scrutiny for alleged phone hacking when an investigation reveals that calls to Queen Elizabeth’s private mobile number are being answered by Rupert Murdoch speaking in a high-pitched voice.”

Writes Barry: “In England, the News Corp. media empire comes under scrutiny for alleged phone hacking when an investigation reveals that calls to Queen Elizabeth’s private mobile number are being answered by Rupert Murdoch speaking in a high-pitched voice.”

Illustration by Drew Friedman / For The Washington Post

Writes Barry: “Meanwhile the Republican field does in fact continue to grow as Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, the late Sonny Bono and somebody calling himself “Jon Huntsman” all enter the race, bringing the Republican contender total to roughly 125.”

Writes Barry: “Meanwhile the Republican field does in fact continue to grow as Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, the late Sonny Bono and somebody calling himself “Jon Huntsman” all enter the race, bringing the Republican contender total to roughly 125.”

Illustration by Drew Friedman / For The Washington Post

In October, writes Barry, “one of the most exciting World Series in history is won by some team other than the New York Yankees.”

In October, writes Barry, “one of the most exciting World Series in history is won by some team other than the New York Yankees.”

Illustration by Drew Friedman / For The Washington Post

In November, writes Barry, “the Republican Party is rocked by polls showing that 43 percent of all likely voters -- nearly 55 million people -- claim to have been sexually harassed by Herman Cain.” And in December, “Herman Cain announces that he is suspending his presidential campaign so he can go home and spend more time sleeping in his basement. This leaves the Republicans with essentially a two-man race between Gingrich and Romney, which means it’s only a matter of time before we start hearing the name ‘Bob Dole.’ “

In November, writes Barry, “the Republican Party is rocked by polls showing that 43 percent of all likely voters -- nearly 55 million people -- claim to have been sexually harassed by Herman Cain.” And in December, “Herman Cain announces that he is suspending his presidential campaign so he can go home and spend more time sleeping in his basement. This leaves the Republicans with essentially a two-man race between Gingrich and Romney, which means it’s only a matter of time before we start hearing the name ‘Bob Dole.’ “

/ by Drew Friedman

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