Bad doggerel!

By Gene Weingarten,

Brevity is said to be the soul of wit. Poetry is said to be the language of brevity. Ergo, short jokes told as poems are the language of the halfwit. 

Each of my poems below is based on a joke that, in its original form, was fewer than 20 words long. 

 

Your Mama So Fat #271,

In the style of a Victorian limerick 

 

At the risk of appearing bourgeois

Re: your mother’s high avoirdupois:

Seems her 401(k)

Isn’t linked to her pay

It’s the size that is writ on her bra.  

***

The Scarecrow’s
Big Day

In the style of an Edward Lear quatrain

 

Why did the scarecrow wind up with first prize

When the civic awards were revealed?

The answer, I think, we can safely surmise:  

Out standing was he in his field.

***

The Bagpiper’s Conundrum

In the style of Robert Burns

 

We’ve a question for ye then, for ye are auld and many things ye ken —

Tell us of those prideful bushy-legged men 

W’ bag and pipe in tartan skirt and swaggered, knob-kneed pride. 

Why do they stand not still — for as they play they stride?

The auld man smiled. Gather round, I’ve an answer for ye, boys. 

The pipers walk because they hope to flee from all that noise. 

***

The Blonde and the Jigsaw Puzzle

In the style of a Shakespearean sonnet

 

I knew one time a yellow-headed bawd

And gave to her a puzzle made of wood.

The pieces were in shapes both small and odd

For her to reassemble (if she could).

 

Set she right down to solve it true and fast  

But days of work did no solution bring

Soon fortnights, months and seasons also passed!

And still she labored with the blasted thing.

 

It took twelve months, but fin’lly it was done

She seemed unbowed — discouraged not, nor sick

I asked her if the puzzle’d brought her fun

She said it had! She felt she’d done it quick.

 

With pride, she smiled and toss’d her golden locks:

“See — ‘four to six years’ says it on the box!”

***

Your Mama So Fat #398, 

In the style of a Japanese haiku

 

mother turns faucet

water cascades from above

feet do not get wet .

E-mail Gene at weingarten@washpost.com. Find chats and updates at washingtonpost.com/magazine.