Q.We’re not sure what to do about our nanny: a loving, wonderful woman who has worked hard for our family, is quite loyal to us and has come to us twice a week for the past year.
She has an easy rapport with our baby girl but not with our 4-year-old son. He hates it when she comes and often refuses to say “hello” to her. He hides, then cries and says he doesn’t like her, but he can’t quite tell me why he feels this way. From what I can gather, he thinks that she is too strict, she tells him to “hush” quite a bit and she won’t let him stir a pot for fear that he might hurt himself. She also doesn’t like it when my son confuses “yesterday” with “today” and mixes up the days of the week, and once she accused him of lying. To me, these are simply misunderstandings, which probably occur because English is her second language. I think she struggles to understand my son and he struggles because he thinks her words are too harsh.
I hate the idea of getting rid of a nanny who has worked so hard for us, and our schedules will fit so well next year when our son goes to school full-time. At the same time I feel guilty for putting him with someone who can handle babies better than older children.
A.Your first allegiance is to your children, not your nanny. As good as she is with your baby, she angers and frightens your son, and that’s reason enough to end your relationship.