Fast fast: Sacrificing the midmorning snack break. Also known as Yom Zippur.
Bus buss: For those who couldn’t leave it at the Kiss-and-Ride.
Ultra-Loser Kevin Dopart, who suggested this contest, called it “Reduplicatives.” It’s pretty clear: Double a word, or use a word and its homophone, to make a phrase, and define it, as in the examples of both types above — (a) two words spelled the same (they can be pronounced differently), and (b) two words spelled differently but pronounced the same). If you want to make a triple (or, who knows, more) go for it.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives — in solemn commemoration of the recent death of a global dignitary — the Dear Leader Tongue Scraper, which is your basic dental-device tongue scraper except that the cardboard packaging features a painting of said scraper being held by Kim Jong Il as he cavorts on a beach with three young ladies in leotards. Donated by Nan Reiner.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to email@example.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, Jan. 3; results published Jan. 22 (Jan. 20 online). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 951” in your e-mail subject line or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at Washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next week was submitted by both Beverley Sharp and Chris Doyle; the subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Elden Carnahan. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.
our annual “Tour de Fours” contest, in which we asked for neologisms including the four-letter block N-O-E-L, in any order but without any other letters between them:
Groucholenses: How to look at the world through nose-covered glasses. (Eric Fritz, Silver Spring, Md.)
2. Winner of the Santa Dreidel and some stocking coal: iPhonelecher: A tweet-stalking guy. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
3. None-liners: Sight gags. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
4. Leno jay:A nocturnal bird that lays an egg every night at 11:35. (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)
Noelevator: How Santa gets back up the chimney. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)
Canoe Lips: What other kids used to call Mick Jagger and Steve Tyler. (David Garratt, Glenn Dale, Md.)
Peonlover: What the other billionaires call Warren Buffett. (Dave Airozo, Silver Spring, Md.)
Ole Nam River: Mekong Delta blues. (Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)
Faileontology: B-school case studies on New Coke, Betamax and Edsel. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
Danglenosen: German for “You need a tissue.” (David Genser, Poway, Calif.)
Coloneye: James Bond flick where the villain gets it in the end. (Dion Black, Washington)
Neoleisured: Euphemism for laid off. (Betsy Curtler, Mankin-Sabot, Va., a First Offender)
Kalenog: Worst holiday drink ever. (Jason Russo, Annandale, Va.)
Non-Elvis: One of about three people in all of Las Vegas. (Lois Douthitt, Arlington, Va.)
Wifelong friends: The pals who stop seeing you after the divorce. (Larry Flynn, Greenbelt, Md.)
Lenoleum: A flat product that endures long after it’s gone out of style. (Jon Spell, Orem, Utah)
Lenopause: Stage of life when one thinks “The Tonight Show” is cutting-edge humor. (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)
Phonely: What you are when your best friend is named Siri. (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)
Hemidemiseminole: Dubious applicant for Florida casino profits. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
Felonthropic: What Robin Hood was. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Elno: The Muppet who’ll be danged if he’s going to let your grabby little kid tickle him. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.; Matt Monitto, Elon, N.C.)
Coenlite: The Farrelly Brothers. (John McCooey)
Psalmnolence: Dwelling in the Land of Nod during the sermon. (Chris Doyle)
Enolagay: The bomb you drop about your sexual orientation. (Anne Kinney, Charlottesville, Va.; Michael Greene, Alexandria, Va.)
Lonesta: A pill to help the promiscuous sleep by themselves. (Roger Hammons, North Potomac, Md.)
Coloneer: A proctologist. (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)
Meloncholy: Disappointment with one’s implants. (Amanda Yanovitch, Midlothian, Va.)
Meloncoli: Suffering caused by contaminated fruit. (Fred Dawson, Beltsville, Md.)
Grassy ’Nole: Obscure theory that JFK was shot by a Florida State alum high on marijuana. (David Ballard, Reston, Va.)
Beano elocution: An enduring form of guy talk. (Richard Lempert, Arlington, Va.)
Mole’n’rouge: A flapper’s makeup set. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Menlo Spark: A blinding flash of inspiration, following many hours of perspiration. (Jeff Contompasis)
El Nono: The ill wind that blows no one any good. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
Unelope: Run off to get divorced. (Nancy Israel, Bethesda, Md.)
Stylenoob: A First Offender. (Chris Doyle)
Sulkenlosers: Entrants who aren’t in this list. (Mae Scanlan)
Visit the online discussion group The Style Conversational, where the Empress discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community — and you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries, since you no doubt figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail notification each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted online, write to the Empress at firstname.lastname@example.org (note that in the subject line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the far more lively group Style Invitational Devotees and chime in.
Next week: Look back in Inker,or Har we go again