Ask Amy: After Mr. Frog’s wild ride, he doesn’t call

July 20, 2012

DEAR AMY: I’m a 26-year-old woman who has kissed many frogs, and by “many” I mean that every single guy I have been with is a frog.

I’ve recently been seeing this one guy whom I thought was the answer to my prayers. He said all the right things (not mushy or romantic, but genuinely complimenting my personality traits/attributes).

We became intimate on our third date, and now I have heard nothing from him. He texted me after he got home from our third date, but nothing after that. I have tried contacting him twice (via text) since then, to no avail.

It’s been a few days since that third date, and I’m asking your advice as to how I should move forward. Should I keep trying to contact him, or just move on? What do you think is going on? -- Rejected in Chicago

DEAR REJECTED: Ribbit.

By “being intimate,” I’m going to assume that you and Mr. Frog had sex. Being sexual with someone is not the route to intimacy that you seem to think it is. However, it is the path most often taken by frogs. And so, if you want to continue kissing them, then carry on.

If you had extended your conversation with this guy on that fateful third date, instead of having sex with him, you would have learned more about him and become more intimate. And you wouldn’t be so reactive, needy and confused now.

If you are satisfied with the occasional hookup, then keep doing what you’re doing. But you are unhappy with your choices.

Rather than brand every man you date a frog, the most logical remedy is for you to change everything about your own behavior in this area of your life. When you do that, you will draw a different kind of person toward you.

DEAR AMY: I have a friend who is 72 years old with three grown children. Two of her children constantly ask her for money to make mortgage payments, buy cars, furniture, pay for their vacations, pay for their children’s birthday parties and even to send their children to expensive private schools.

These two adult children do not have full-time jobs, are lazy, selfish and take advantage of their mother. I see the pain on my friend’s face when she tells me about a phone call from one of them asking for more money.

I would like to suggest that she say “no” to them, knowing that it would be for their own good to start being more independent and knowing that she is depleting the money that her late husband left her. I would like to suggest tough love. Should I? -- Sad for My Friend

DEAR SAD: The next time your friend brings this up, you should ask her an open-ended question: “What do you think would happen if you said ‘no’ to these requests?” Your friend’s answer might be revealing.

You might be able to influence her to make a different choice, but it is not for you to decide what is best for her children and grandchildren. You should let her know that you are concerned about her, mainly, and offer to help her think this through.

If your friend finds it impossible to resist this coercion, she might find it worthwhile to retain a professional financial adviser. She could then be offered an out when her children hit her up for money: “My adviser has put me on a budget, and I simply don’t have the money.”

DEAR AMY: “Jane” wrote to you, wondering how her son’s girlfriend’s young children should address her. For her, it feels awkward being called “grandma.”

My grandchildren, most of whom are grown, all call me Grandma Ruthie, and many of their friends grew up calling me Grandma Ruthie. I got a kick out of it and still do.

Most little children think people older than their parents are grandmas and grandpas. -- Grandma Ruthie

DEAR RUTHIE: You like the “grandma” honorific.

“Jane” does not. My view is that most often it should be up to individuals to decide what they’d like to be called.

Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

2012 by the Chicago Tribune

Distributed by Tribune Media Services

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