Ask Amy: Ex’s mail delivery a little too special

February 5

DEAR AMY: Two weeks ago, I took my girlfriend/fiancee/girlfriend of more than eight years to church. We drove her car. As I parked the car after dropping her off, I reached for a tissue from the glove box, and I pulled out a gift card given to her by another man.

I confronted her about this, and she told me that he had come over to her house days before Christmas. That night I found that he had posted a picture of the two of them on his Facebook cover page. I immediately ended the relationship and vowed never to return to her house.

She has since tried to keep in contact, delivering needed tax documents that are coming to her house in the mail. I truly love her, and in a moment of weakness we were intimate a week after we broke up when she stopped by to give me more mail.

She is definitely manipulating me, and I have no intention of repairing our relationship. She is persistent and wants me back. I would appreciate any input you can provide that would help me strengthen my resolve to get past this. -- Heartbroken

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Your description of this person as “girlfriend/fiancee/girlfriend” tells me that you have had some real ups and downs over the course of eight years. Look for patterns to see how this behavior fits into the overall picture.

If you truly want this relationship to end, you will have to stop having sex with her. From now on, arrange to meet at a diner if you have business to discuss.

My most valuable advice to you is also ancient wisdom: Time heals all wounds. You have made a definitive move away from this relationship. To continue to heal, you will have to put one foot in front of the other — to recover your pride, develop other friendships and distractions — and start to live your own life.

DEAR AMY: I just finished my first semester of college. One class I had was very meaningful because a guy and I exchanged smiles and constant eye contact.

Here is where it gets messy: He was my professor.

I visited his office during the semester, and I swear there was flirting, but I’m really bad at deciphering that type of stuff. We cracked jokes, and it was a comfortable environment.

Today I went to see him to go over my final paper. Even though the class is over, I wanted an excuse to go see him. After we went over my paper, he kept the conversation going. I, probably overthinking it, read between the lines and imagined he was interested in me. He also encouraged me to stop by if ever I was passing through the building.

That just made me have a bigger crush on him.

Do you think he has feelings for me? I want to let him know of my feelings, but I want it to be subtle (but obvious enough for him to get the hint). But at the same time, I don’t want to ruin the good relationship we already have as teacher/student. -- What to Do?

DEAR TO DO: I do not think this professor has romantic feelings for you. The two of you have a nice rapport, but building a positive relationship with students is part of what teachers do.

I can’t recommend that you should hit on your professor; this would be a potentially terrible choice on your part. Furthermore, if he chose to have a romantic relationship with you, it would show poor judgment on his part, jeopardizing his career and your college experience. Save your romantic energy for a fellow student.

DEAR AMY: The letter from “So Sad” about the death of a cat moved me, but your answer baffled me. You said, “There is no loss quite like the loss of a pet.”

How can you equate the death of a pet to the death of a person? -- Baffled

DEAR BAFFLED: I’ve experienced both kinds of loss (in abundance), and I’m not putting one loss over another; I am saying that they are different.

Amy’s column appears seven days a week at www.washingtonpost.com/advice. Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

2014 by the Chicago Tribune

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