Amy Dickinson
Columnist

Ask Amy: Facebook photos create wedding mystery

DEAR AMY: Over the weekend, I uploaded photos from my recent wedding to Facebook so that our guests could enjoy them (we own the digital rights). All of these images are simple, pleasant shots of guests sitting at their tables, nothing embarrassing or inappropriate.

A short time after I posted them, a friend sent me a private message on Facebook requesting that I remove a picture of her and her husband sitting at their table. She said she preferred not to have her photograph on the Internet for others to see. I respect that some people don’t want to risk strangers seeing their picture and took it down.

Amy Dickinson

Amy Dickinson offers straightforward advice on relationships, family and life in her syndicated column, Ask Amy. Syndicated advice columns are run in their entirety on washingtonpost.com; versions published in the newspaper might differ due to space constraints.

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After I took it down, it suddenly struck me as odd that this friend would communicate this with me via Facebook. I thought it was surprising that someone so cautious about the Internet would even have a Facebook account. Out of curiosity, I clicked on her page. I didn’t see any content. The only thing there was her profile picture — of her three children smiling for the camera!

I find it shocking that someone so opposed to having her own picture on the Internet would purposefully post pictures of her children instead! What do you think about this? -- Baffled Bride

DEAR BAFFLED: I think you are choosing to be shocked about something that is not at all shocking.

If your friend doesn’t want her photo posted on Facebook, so what? Why do you care? Maybe she is getting jowly or doesn’t like her haircut. Maybe she is an international jewel thief. If she doesn’t mind having her kids’ photo on Facebook — again, so what?

You seem determined to brand this friend a hypocrite and catch her in some sort of double standard. You were accommodating to her (well done!), and now you need to move on.

DEAR AMY: My spouse and I have a 21-year-old son. He is our only child. He graduated from high school in 2010. He spent his first year in college on academic probation and failed every single one of his classes. He then moved back home and got a full-time job at the same fast-food restaurant he worked at when he was in high school.

He has since taken a few community college classes, passing with C’s and D’s. He is now taking management classes at the fast-food restaurant and one online class.

He spends all of his free time playing “World of Warcraft” online and seems very content.

As parents, should we encourage him to further his education or to seek different employment? Or do we simply stand back and let him grow up on his own? I know things could be much worse; I just wish he had more motivation. -- Flummoxed Parents

DEAR FLUMMOXED: Your son isn’t exactly setting the world aflame, but if he has a full-time job, is taking management training and additional college classes, then he’s doing middlin’.

One disadvantage of his living at home is that he is experiencing some very normal young-adult issues and being scrutinized by his devoted and ever-so-slightly disappointed parents. One thing to strategize about (and save up for) would be for him to move out and be self-supporting.

If his online gaming means he doesn’t have any real-world friends or if it interferes with his ability to put in a full day’s work, then he has a time-management (or possibly more serious gaming) problem.

You should urge him to realize his own goals, even if they are more modest than you would like, and let the growing-up part of his life continue.

DEAR AMY: Last year I went on a five-day vacation with a friend and my son. The friend had just met someone new. She proceeded to call, text and e-mail the new person throughout the five days.

At the end of the five days, I mentioned that I thought it was rude. She said that she and all her other friends didn’t think so. All my friends agreed with me.

I’m curious to know what you think. -- A Reader

DEAR READER: I also think it’s rude.

Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

by the Chicago Tribune

Distributed by Tribune Media Services

 
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