Carolyn Hax
Carolyn Hax
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Carolyn Hax: Criticizing a graduate over liberal arts degree

Carolyn Hax

Carolyn Hax started her advice column in 1997 as a weekly feature for The Washington Post, accompanied by the work of “relationship cartoonist” Nick Galifianakis. She is the author of “Tell Me About It” (Miramax, 2001), and the host of a live online discussion on Fridays at noon.

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(Nick Galifianakis/For The Washington Post)

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I see that you have a liberal arts degree. I just earned my BA in English literature and I am proud of it. You would not believe the people who say, “What are you going to do with that?” Or, “You won’t get a job with that.”

I have a very long explanation of why liberal arts degrees are still relevant, but their remarks seem to call for a shorter response than a dissertation. How can I respond without being rude, perhaps even illuminating them in a concise way?

It doesn’t help that I haven’t actually figured out what direction I want to go in professionally, but I do know my degree has made me a more critical thinker and a better writer, and I am glad I did something I loved.

Proud

All of which is wonderful, and none of which your questioners give a [poop] about, since they’re mostly invested in confirming their own biases.

So, just tell them this: The moment you actually get a job, you’ll let them know how wrong they are. Illuminate them in a concise way that not all liberal arts majors take themselves too seriously.

Re: Liberal arts degrees:

I am surprised you didn’t mention your all-purpose, “Wow.” People who say things like “You will never get a job” are rude. Just reply neutrally with a, “Maybe,” or, “Okay,” or, “If you say so.” Be a smart-aleck punk like my brother, smack your head dramatically, and say, “Oh no! I did college all wrong! Now I will live off the taxpayers FOREVER!” (He majored in philosophy, and has been employed for 12-plus years, gainfully enough to keep him and his family living comfortably.)

Anonymous

“Wow” is for ugly things, not stupid ones. Stupid just gets the, “Okay, whatever you say,” treatment, in whatever form amuses the person delivering it.

Hey, Carolyn:

Back on the dating market after a multi-year relationship and I’m feeling a little unimpressed with the guys I’ve encountered so far. One thing I’ve noticed happening repeatedly (five-plus different guys) is that after going on a few dates, the guys will always leave the ball in my court, usually by saying, “Text me if you want to go out again.”

To me, this reads as lack of interest, but then they want to know why I haven’t texted. This feels like terrible laziness and/or fear of rejection to me. Am I just behind the times? (I’m not even that old!)

Singlevania

If their asking you to text them is “laziness and/or fear of rejection,” then what do you call your refusal to text them?

Equality isn’t a la carte, so in that sense, what these guys are asking is not only fair but culturally overdue: If you want to see them, then say so. To me, they’re just being pragmatic.

But if it’s not for you — for core reasons, not arbitrary ones — then it’s not for you. Either give it a try or tell these men upfront that you’re not comfortable being the one to initiate, so they can know where you stand and decide whether that’s okay with them.

Write to Carolyn Hax, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or tellme@washpost.com. Sign up for Carolyn Hax’s column, delivered to your inbox early each morning, at bit.ly/haxpost.

 
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