Celebrity New Year’s resolutions

The rich and famous need goals and resolutions to keep them from repeating the same mistakes they made in 2011. Celebritology blogger Jen Chaney is here to help.

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Brad Pitt

Suggested resolution for 2012: Never mention Jennifer Aniston’s name in an interview again. Also, refrain from mentioning anyone who ever appeared on the TV show “Friends,” including Marcel the monkey and the guy who played Gunther. Related: Brad Pitt’s lesson from Jennifer Aniston remark

Carlo Allegri / AP

<strong>Suggested resolution for 2012:</strong> Take up Travel Scrabble, which is as portable as the Words With Friends app but won’t cause any flight attendant battles because no electronic devices are necessary. One should be mindful, however, of all those titles during take-off and landing. <a data-xslt='_http' href='http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/alec-baldwin-reportedly-kicked-off-an-american-airlines-flight-for-playing-words-with-friends/2011/12/06/gIQAZhMVaO_blog.html'>Related: Alec Baldwin kicked off flight for playing Words With Friends</a>

Alec Baldwin

Suggested resolution for 2012: Take up Travel Scrabble, which is as portable as the Words With Friends app but won’t cause any flight attendant battles because no electronic devices are necessary. One should be mindful, however, of all those titles during take-off and landing. Related: Alec Baldwin kicked off flight for playing Words With Friends

Kevin Winter / GETTY IMAGES

<strong>Suggested resolution for 2012: </strong> Publicly reveal baby daughter for the first time in the same way you unveiled your pregnancy: Appear on MTV, open up a blazer and show the world yours and Jay-Z’s daughter, who will be snuggled safely in a Swarovski crystal-encrusted Baby Bjorn.

Beyonce

Suggested resolution for 2012: Publicly reveal baby daughter for the first time in the same way you unveiled your pregnancy: Appear on MTV, open up a blazer and show the world yours and Jay-Z’s daughter, who will be snuggled safely in a Swarovski crystal-encrusted Baby Bjorn.

AP Photo/Chris Pizzello / ASSOCIATED PRESS

<strong>Suggested resolution for 2012: </strong> Do not, under any circumstances, try to hop on a party bus. Just take a cab. Or, better yet, make good use of that golden ticket from Oceanic Airlines. <a data-xslt='_http' href='http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/matthew-fox-accused-of-alleged-assault-of-a-woman/2011/08/29/gIQAoCbUnJ_blog.html'>Related: Matthew Fox allegedly punched woman</a>

Matthew Fox

Suggested resolution for 2012: Do not, under any circumstances, try to hop on a party bus. Just take a cab. Or, better yet, make good use of that golden ticket from Oceanic Airlines. Related: Matthew Fox allegedly punched woman

Ian Gavan / GETTY IMAGES

<strong>Suggested resolution for 2012: </strong>Avoid repeating the mistakes of Christina Aguilera. As soon as you are chosen, before even tweeting the news, do one important thing: memorize the lyrics to the National Anthem.

Whoever winds up singing the National Anthem at this year’s Super Bowl

Suggested resolution for 2012: Avoid repeating the mistakes of Christina Aguilera. As soon as you are chosen, before even tweeting the news, do one important thing: memorize the lyrics to the National Anthem.

Matt Sayles / AP

<strong>Suggested resolution for 2012:</strong> For the foreseeable future, limit the pool of “SNL” hosts to the following individuals: Steve Martin, Jon Hamm, Melissa McCarthy, Tina Fey, Christopher Walken, Eddie Murphy (who probably won’t do it, but is still worth including), Justin Timberlake and Zach Galifianakis. Add Jimmy Fallon and Alec Baldwin as potential backups. Clearly all of these people have busy schedules, but can’t they just agree to a regular rotation?

Lorne Michaels

Suggested resolution for 2012: For the foreseeable future, limit the pool of “SNL” hosts to the following individuals: Steve Martin, Jon Hamm, Melissa McCarthy, Tina Fey, Christopher Walken, Eddie Murphy (who probably won’t do it, but is still worth including), Justin Timberlake and Zach Galifianakis. Add Jimmy Fallon and Alec Baldwin as potential backups. Clearly all of these people have busy schedules, but can’t they just agree to a regular rotation?

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images / Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

<strong>Suggested resolution for 2012:</strong> Curse less frequently on Twitter. Ah, who am I [bleeping] kidding? You’re never going to [bleeping] do that. <a data-xslt='_http' href='http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/ellen-barkin-vs-samuel-l-jackson-who-has-the-filthiest-twitter-feed/2011/10/17/gIQASNutrL_blog.html'>Related: Ellen Barkin vs. Samuel L. Jackson: Who has the filthier Twitter feed?</a>

Ellen Barkin

Suggested resolution for 2012: Curse less frequently on Twitter. Ah, who am I [bleeping] kidding? You’re never going to [bleeping] do that. Related: Ellen Barkin vs. Samuel L. Jackson: Who has the filthier Twitter feed?

<strong>Suggested resolution for 2012:</strong> Do not take nude photos of yourself with your cellphone, no matter how brilliant this idea might seem at the time. Trust us: The only people who advocate for this behavior are the slobbering individuals who want to peek at your goodies online. Which, admittedly, is at least half of the American population, but still — bad idea! <a data-xslt='_http' href='http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/scarlett-johansson-enlists-fbi-to-investigate-nude-photo-leak/2011/09/14/gIQA9HqUSK_blog.html'>Related: Scarlett Johansson’s nude photo leak</a>

All celebrities with cellphones

Suggested resolution for 2012: Do not take nude photos of yourself with your cellphone, no matter how brilliant this idea might seem at the time. Trust us: The only people who advocate for this behavior are the slobbering individuals who want to peek at your goodies online. Which, admittedly, is at least half of the American population, but still — bad idea! Related: Scarlett Johansson’s nude photo leak

Chris Carlson / AP

<strong>Suggested resolution for 2012:</strong> Please, for your sake and ours: Just go away for a little while. And while you’re gone, find some more appropriate clothes and stop hanging out in pumpkin patches. <a data-xslt='_http' href='http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/doug-hutchison-and-courtney-stodden-discuss-icky-may-december-marriage/2011/07/15/gIQAdSQMGI_blog.html'>Related: Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden’s May-December romance</a>

Courtney Stodden

Suggested resolution for 2012: Please, for your sake and ours: Just go away for a little while. And while you’re gone, find some more appropriate clothes and stop hanging out in pumpkin patches. Related: Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden’s May-December romance

<strong>Suggested resolution for 2012:</strong> Actually, this isn’t a suggestion for Kardashian. This is just a reminder that I should write about her less frequently, a resolution I’ve clearly already broken by putting her name in a post again. Confounded Kardashians!

Kim Kardashian

Suggested resolution for 2012: Actually, this isn’t a suggestion for Kardashian. This is just a reminder that I should write about her less frequently, a resolution I’ve clearly already broken by putting her name in a post again. Confounded Kardashians!

Evan Agostini / AP

FEATURED PHOTO GALLERIES

LONDON, ENGLAND - MAY 21: Statues on display on the Nong Nooch Tropical Botanical Garden in The Great Pavilion at the RHS Chelsea Flower Show on May 21, 2013 in London, England. The Chelsea Flower Show run by the RHS celebrates its 100th birthday this year. (Photo by Oli Scarff/Getty Images)

Photos of the day

Chelsea Flower Show, face transplant in Poland, Oklahoma residents cope with tornado aftermath and more.

Lea Bessinger salvages a picture of Jesus as she and her son Josh Bessinger sort through the rubble of the elder Bessinger's tornado-ravaged home Tuesday, May 21, 2013, in Moore, Okla. A huge tornado roared through the Oklahoma City suburb Monday, flattening an entire neighborhoods and destroying an elementary school with a direct blow as children and teachers huddled against winds. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

Tornado near Oklahoma City causes more damage

Rescue workers are searching for survivors after a twister carved a long path of destruction in a suburb of Oklahoma City. It was part of the...

ANNAPOLIS, MD - MAY 20: The Herndon Monument Climb is the traditional culmination of plebe year at the United States Naval Academy. The plebes climb to the top of the lard-covered 21 foot high monument and remove the 'dixie cup' hat at the top replacing it with an upperclassman's hat. After completing this, the freshmen are called 'fourth class midshipmen.' This class completed the task in 1 hour 32 minutes and 43 seconds. The hat was placed by Patrick Lien from Orlando. (Photo by Sarah L. Voisin/The Washington Post)

The Herndon Climb

The Herndon Monument climb is the traditional culmination of plebe year at the U.S. Naval Academy.

NEW YORK, NY - MAY 21: Ken Marino, Erica Oyama, Ben Stiller, Chris Harrison, and Mike Rosenstein aceept the Webby Award for 'Burning Love' at the 17th Annual Webby Awards at Cipriani Wall Street on May 21, 2013 in New York City. (Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images for The Webby Awards)

Eye on entertainment

Ben Stiller, Jerry Seinfeld, Emma Stone, 2 Chainz, Tyrese Gibson, Susan Boyle and more.

This combination of Associated Press photos shows left, a neighborhood in Moore, Okla., in ruins on Tuesday, May 4, 1999, after a tornado flattened many houses and buildings in central Oklahoma, and right, flattened houses in Moore on Monday, May 20, 2013. Monday's powerful tornado in suburban Oklahoma City loosely followed the path of a killer twister that slammed the region in May 1999. (AP Photo)

Okla. tornado loosely followed path of 1999 twister

Monday’s powerful tornado in suburban Oklahoma City loosely followed the path of a killer twister that slammed the area in May 1999.

A Burrowing owl tries to perch on a protective rope in a public park in Cooper City, Fla. Monday, May 20, 2013 as rain falls. (AP Photo/J Pat Carter)

Animal views

Fun and fascinating creatures around the world.

FILE - In this undated publicity file photo, members of the Doors, from left, John Densmore, Robbie Krieger, Ray Manzarek and Jim Morrison, pose for a portrait. Manzarek, the keyboardist who was a founding member of The Doors, has died at 74. Publicist Heidi Robinson-Fitzgerald says in a news release that Manzarek died Monday, May 20, 2013, at the RoMed Clinic in Rosenheim, Germany, surrounded by his family. (AP Photo, File)

Ray Manzarek, founding member of the Doors, dies at 74

Manzarek co-founded the Doors after meeting then-poet Jim Morrison in California. The band went on to become one of the most successful rock-and-roll...

A man walks on sulphur and mineral salt formations near Dallol in the Danakil Depression, northern Ethiopia April 22, 2013. The Danakil Depression in Ethiopia is one of the hottest and harshest environments on earth, with an average annual temperature of 94 degrees Fahrenheit (34.4 Celsius). For centuries, merchants have travelled there with caravans of camels to collect salt from the surface of the vast desert basin. The mineral is extracted and shaped into slabs, then loaded onto the animals before being transported back across the desert so that it can be sold around the country. Picture taken April 22, 2013. REUTERS/Siegfried Modola (ETHIOPIA - Tags: BUSINESS SOCIETY TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY)

ATTENTION EDITORS: PICTURE 2 OF 30 FOR PACKAGE 'ETHIOPIA'S ANCIENT SALT TRAIL'
SEARCH 'DANAKIL DEPRESSION' FOR ALL

Ethiopia’s salt trail

For centuries, merchants have traveled to Ethiopia’s Danakil Depression with caravans of camels to collect salt from the surface of the vast desert basin. The mineral is extracted...

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