Hark, citizens of the District. News of import. On Wednesday, at the close of both the 112th Congress and his career, retiring Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman (I-Quit) introduced the New Columbia Admission Act, which would transform the District of Columbia into the 51st state in the union. Under the proposed bill S. 3696, you would finally be afforded the same rights as your friends across the Potomac River and Eastern Avenue. But! New Columbia would be just a wee bit smaller than old D.C., because the federal government would retain jurisdiction over its own buildings, the monuments and the Mall. ¶ This is the first time in nearly 20 years that a D.C. statehood bill has been introduced in the Senate. ¶ It has no chance of passing. ¶ But that’s no excuse for shirking our civic duties. As long as Congress is proposing to redraw the area, we will propose additional geographic amendments to improve the bill. Behold, your new New Columbia:
1. To eliminate confusion, the town of Columbia, Md., shall become part of New Columbia but be known as Old Columbia.