To avoid injury to the most important player on the field, defensive players are no longer allowed to tackle the quarterback. Instead they record a sack by trapping him in a burlap bag.
Elementary schools: No nose-picking past the first finger joint.
You can’t be too careful these days, as Loser Mark Raffman points out. (He’s a lawyer, of course.) This week: Come up with a comically safety-conscious rule for the workplace or elsewhere, as in Mark’s examples above. I don’t think we’ve done this contest before, though way back in 1995 we did have one for product warning labels (results here).
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. And, in time for the bizarrely early first day of Hanukkah this year, second place receives a pair of custom-made Loser Dreidels: 146-time Loser Nan Reiner has painted the “L,” “oo,” “Z” and “R” equivalents in Hebrew on one of them, and “L,” “O,” “S” and “R” in English on the other.
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to firstname.lastname@example.org or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 4; results published Nov. 24 (online Nov. 21). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1044” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions was suggested by both Jeff Contompasis and Chris Doyle; the alternative headline in the “Next week’s results” line is by Beverley Sharp. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev, and click “like” on Style Invitational Ink of the Day at bit.ly/inkofday .
Report from Week 1040
which seemed like the perfect time for a contest for comical revisions to the tax code, until we realized, too late, that we’d already done such a contest six years ago (on April 15). We still had a fair number of filers, however, and some interesting returns in the contest’s three categories, or “schedules”: