If your 21st-century incarnation of the typewriter has you “typing” with one finger instead of 10, or if your “content-sharing platform” lets you impart your deepest thoughts as long as they don’t exceed 140 characters, you can appreciate a good acronym. And our own (well, rented-once-a-week) cartoonist Bob Staake coined his own a while back, and even has a Web page to promote it: “LOL is too cute. ROFL is too lame. LMAO just isn’t funny. The new Internet acronym is: PIMPL (Peeing in My Pants Laughing).”
This week, in a contest suggested in another context by Dave Scocca: Give us a funny, original acronym (and of course what it stands for). In its traditional definition, an acronym is a pronounceable word, not an abbreviation that you pronounce letter by letter. But while true acronyms are likely to be more interesting, I’ll also consider short spell-out abbreviations that send me ROFLing. A funny sample tweet or other short sentence is a plus. An unfunny one isn't so great in a humor contest, KWIM? The acronym doesn’t have to include every word of the spelled-out term; you may skip articles or prepositions.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a bubble wand depicting what Loser Barbara Turner deemed the Vampire Butterfly — presumably to make a better bubble somehow, the butterfly’s mouth consists of a circle lined with teeth. Speaking of orifices (as we are wont to do), we’ll also throw in a nose-shaped pencil sharpener, donated by Marleen May. Yes, you stick the pencil in a nostril.
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to
or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 24 (why, do you have something better to do that day?); results published Jan. 13 (online Jan. 10). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1001” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Tom Witte; the alternative headline for the “Next week’s results” line is by Jeff Contompasis. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
Report from Week 997
in which, in this season of giving, we asked you to offer up some Unworthy Causes, or dubious charities. There seems to be much Loser support for a Fund for the 1 Percent.
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
Washington Wizards Basketball Camp Foundation: Contributions help provide basketball lessons to actual Washington Wizards. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Winner of the caganer, the traditional Catalan Nativity figurine of a pooping child:
Bigots Defense Fund: Did you know that Bigo-Americans are the most oppressed minority group in America today? Please give generously — even you Jews. (Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)