Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an amazing self-published large paperback book sent to the Post newsroom presumably by its author, Steven Discenza, “New Boss of All Bosses on Staten Island.” Its title inexplicably refers to a “magical” sex organ, while the subtitle is “Knowledge Is Power and Education Is the Key to Success.” It’s not easy to discern the point of the book, but it seems that Mr. Discenza is very angry with the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission. Lavishly illustrated, though fortunately the title character is nowhere to be found.
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to
or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Jan. 7; results published Jan. 27 (online Jan. 24). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1003” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Chris Doyle; the alternative headline in the “Next week’s results” line is by Jeff Contompasis. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
Report from Week 999
in which we let you enter, or reenter, just about any of our contests from the past year, updating the material for current-events contests:
The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:
From Week 946, cynical definitions:
Date night: A dinner out at which a husband and wife pretend they haven’t seen each other on the toilet. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
Winner of the can of genuine dehydrated water:
From Week 982, song parodies including a line from the original:
“Hit the Road, Jack,” as sung by D.C. Mayor Vincent Gray and the Graylettes:
(start clip at 0:34)
“Oh, people, my people, don’t you fuss and complain;
I didn’t know nothin’ ’bout my campaign.
Don’t know Jeffrey Thompson or Sulaimon Brown,
Or rakin’ in cash without writin’ it down.
But I guess if you say so, I’ll have to pack my things and go.”
“That’s right! Hit the road, Vince. You suckered us since Day One, Day One, Day One, Day One!
Hit the road, Vince. You played us but now you’re done.” (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)