Style Invitational Week 1008: Rejigger a movie title; plus winning ‘joint legislation’


“You Are 54: Where Car?” (Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
February 7, 2013

“You Are 54: Where Car?”: A senior moment strikes in a parking garage. (Julie Thomas and Will Cramer; Brendan Beary)

“The Brief Pelican”: Impressed with the success of the Aflac Duck, the Hanes underwear company signs a new mascot. (Gene McMath)

“What? Did Daddy Do You in the War?” A young girl learns of her father’s overseas affair when a Korean woman comes looking for him. (Russell Beland)

While starting to pore over the past 10 years of Style Invitationals — 515 contests — to select its Greatest Hits for our 20th-anniversary ickstravaganza on March 3, the Empress came upon this classic from Week 524, a contest we’d never repeated but clearly begs to be done again: Rearrange all the words in the title of a movie, and describe the resulting work, as in these winning entries from 2003. Even given the thousands of films to choose from, we’re certain that many of you will send in the same reconfigured movie title, so it’ll probably be the humor in the plot or description that earns it the ink.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln-statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a package of Butt/Face soap — with each side of the bar inscribed with “butt” or “face,” not to mention coded in brown and white, so you’ll know which side is for which cheek. Donated by the fastidious longtime Loser Phyllis Reinhard.


Style Invitational prize (The Washington Post)

Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Feb. 18; results published March 10 (online March 7). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1008” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Christopher Lamora; the alternative title in the “Next week’s results” line is by Brad Alexander. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.

Report from Week 1005

our biennial contest in which we ask you to create “joint legislation” by combining the names of two or more (often many more) freshman members of Congress. To judge from the many thousands of entries sent in this year from almost 500 people (and by the Empress’s count, 105 of them were entering the Invite for the first time), the 113th Congress should be a productive one; already, Rep. Peters (har har) has 247 pieces of legislation to his name (alas, most are unprintable). As usual, quite a few of the entries were cryptic, to say the least; the E figured out only from context, for example, that “Yoho-Vela-Williams” was meant to be read as “Jehovah’s Witnesses.” The winners below are much more valid. But if you’re still stuck on any of them, look at this link to the same list but with translations. But do try to puzzle them out first; otherwise, you’ll miss out on the extra gratification that comes from catching on after a few seconds of thought.

The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial

The Heck-Pocan-Cook-Rice bill to eliminate the food stamp program. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

2. Winner of the “Welcome to Loserville” sign: The Kildee-Warren-Yoho Act: Aims to end the fighting in another one of those countries you’d never heard of. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)

3. The Takano-Schatz bill to study why the Capitals seldom score. (Steve Fahey, Kensington, Md.)

4. The Warren-Kildee-Kennedy amendment to the Castro-Kildee-Kennedy Act, specifying that all conspiracy-theory research funded by the act include at least one really epic plot twist. (David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.)

Lower billing: honorable mentions

(We have so many First Offenders this week that we put asterisks by their names rather than noting it each time.)

Barr-Pocan-LaMalfa bill to limit how much gum-jabbing a dental hygienist may do during a routine cleaning. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)

The Hirono-Schatz Act to subsidize gun silencers (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)

The Collins-Collins Act to reduce legislative redundancy. Followed closely by the Murphy-Murphy Act to reduce legislative redundancy. (*Andrea Schmahl, Front Royal, Va.)

The Cotton-Kennedy, Kennedy-Barr and Kennedy-Kaine acts to raise the BMI threshold for obesity. (Danielle Nowlin, Woodbridge, Va.)

The Barr-King-Cook bill to grant honorary U.S. citizenship to Gordon Ramsay. (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)

The Bustos-Titus-Heck resolution to investigate the safety of the athletic compression bra. (*Tom Buckley, Centreville, Va.)

The Collins-Murphy-Collins-Murphy-Vargas Act to promote diversity in law firms (*Meagan Keefe, Fairfax Station, Va.)

The Wagner-Bustos Act to provide training for exotic dancers. (Chris O’Carroll, Emporia, Kan.)

The Donnelly-Veasey Act to establish limits on emigration. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

DeSantis-Enyart-Titus-Cotton educational memorandum about the dangers of yoga pants at the beach. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)

The Barr-Bridenstine-Sinema Act to ban simulcasts of the Kim Kardashian wedding. (Kathleen DeBold, Burtonsville, Md.)

The Salmon-Flake-Rice-Barr Act for research into snacks that are sure to encourage children to set aside their Milky Ways. (*J.P. Devine, Arlington; *Kristine DeWitt, Westminster, Md.)

Barr-Payne-Warren-Daines-Holding-Fischer-Cruz bill to prohibit the delivery of ransom to any Vikings who have captured a deep-sea trawler. (David Genser, Poway, Calif.)

Brownley-King-Enyart Act: An act to regulate contamination from overflowing residential cesspools. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)

The Kilmer-Meadows-Kildee-Brooks Act to establish specific targets for the effects of global warming (Arden Levine, New York)

The Yoho-Sinema bill to promote aargh-rated films. (*Joanne Free, Clifton, Va.)

The Kirkpatrick-Stewart resolution to include the question “Who was the better captain?” as part of the 2020 Census. (*David Silversmith, Burke, Va.)

The Horsford-Cartwright Act to discourage getting things out of order. (Dan Walker, Partlow, Va.; Larry Pryluck, Amissville, Va.; Mae Scanlan, Washington)

The King-Takano-Cotton bill to keep visiting dignitaries from walking off with the White House linens. (Will Stutzman, Millersburg, Ohio)

The Kildee-Joyce Act offers federal protections for party poopers. (Nancy Schwalb, Washington)

The Horsford-Hudson Act to expel Manhattan prostitutes to New Jersey. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

The Weber-Scott-Salmon-Cook-King resolution to declare that dinner’s about ready. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

The Kildee-Payne resolution to investigate liquor, pills and meaningless sex . (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

The Warren-Beatty Act: You probably think this law is about you, don’t you? (Andrew Ballard, London; Kevin Dopart, Washington)

The Barr-King-Peters resolution to call attention to disturbing new trends in ventriloquism. (*Jeff Shirley, Richmond)

The Warren-Beatty-Sinema-Payne Lifetime Achievement Commemoration for “Ishtar.”  (Craig Dykstra; Mitch Bailin, Bethesda, Md.)

The Bera-Grayson Act to support research into complexion disorders in the newborn.  (Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)

The Barr-Warren-Payne Act to establish a utopian society. (John Glenn)

The Yoho-Scott-Schatz Oldest Profession Immunization Act: Requires pimps to ensure their “charges” have proper inoculations. (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

The Bentivolio-Cartwright Act to “class up” the Ponderosa by giving the “Bonanza” cast artsy Shakespearean names — and they have to wear tights instead of chaps. (Mark Raffman)

The Pocan-Scott Act to Promote Alternatives to Squeezing Charmin (Arden Levine)

The Barr-Baldwin-King-Cruz Act to deter flirtatious behavior by skinhead street gangs. (Kevin Dopart)

The Bustos-Scott-King Bill to add Coretta to the statue of Martin (Marleen May, Rockville, Md.)

The Flake-Collins-Holding bill to treat people waiting to talk to Rush Limbaugh. (Ralph Nitkin, Rockville, Md.)

The Takano-Peters-Schatz Resolution urging members of Congress not to take up the kind of photography that Tony Weiner did. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

And Last: The Davis-Titus-Heck resolution condemning one Loser’s gift-buying practices. (Dave Zarrow’s wife, Reston, Va.)

Visit the online discussion group The Style Conversational, in which the Empress discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community — and you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries, since you no doubt figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail notification each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted online, write to the Empress at losers@washpost.com (note that in the subject line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the far more lively group Style Invitational Devotees and chime in.

Next week’s results: It’s a ... a ..., or Fill It Up With Super, our Week 1006 contest to create a new superhero.

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