Washington Nationals? Note that several of their players come from the Dominican Republic, Venezuela and Colombia! The name is yet another example of presumptuous U.S. cultural hegemony. I propose that team be called the Internationals, or perhaps the Western Hemispherans . . .
Jujubes: Wikipedia notes that the original versions did “not have the strong and distinctive flavor of modern candies due to the expense of chemical flavorants at the time.” Thus this name brazenly perpetuates the insidious stereotype that Jews are cheap and miserly . . .
As momentum builds in the effort to get the Washington Redskins to change their name to something that’s not seen as a racial slur by large numbers of Native Americans, it’s time for the ranks of the more easily offended to step up with some new complaints about names. Loser Mike Gips — and shouldn’t we be calling him Mike Roma? — suggested this week’s contest: Find something offensive about an inoffensive name of a product, organization, place, etc., as in Mike’s own examples above.
Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives, appropriately for this contest, A book called “Holy Sh*t [sic]: The World’s Weirdest Comic Books,” which samples everything from “Hansi; The Girl Who Loved the Swastika” to “All-Negro Comics.” Donated by Loser Pie Snelson, who notes that “this book is offensive to almost everybody: African Americans, Jews, gays, amputees, Aborigines, overweight people, religious followers and cows.”
Other runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to email@example.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Sept. 16; results published Oct. 6 (online Oct. 3). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1037” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Kevin Dopart; the alternative headline in the “Next week’s contest” line is by Chris Doyle. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.
Report from Week 1033,
our 10th annual Limerixicon contest for limericks that prominently feature words from one sliver of the dictionary, in this case “fa-.” If you entered and got ink, entered and didn’t get ink, or just thought of a fa- limerick right now, you’re welcome to submit it to OEDILF.com, the Omnificient English Dictionary in Limerick Form.