The Style Invitational
The Style Invitational
By the Empress

Style Invitational Week 953: Clue Us In, the backward crossword; plus the winning analogies

By Bob Klahn/CrosSynergy

It’s another of our backward-crosswords: We give you the filled-in grid to a puzzle that’s already run in The Post — this one’s by Bob Klahn of the CrosSynergy syndicate — and you come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the grid. We left the numbers out so we could make the letters bigger in the print paper; you don’t need them, anyway. (Here’s a link to this week’s printable grid.) Our usual limit of 25 entries per person remains in effect. The clues should be very brief but don’t have to be quite as short as required for a real crossword. Here’s a link to the results of the last backward crossword we did.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a double prize of two sets of playing cards: from Jeff Contompasis, Tupac cards featuring photos of “one of the best-selling hip-hop artist of all time,” and — all the way from England courtesy of Ann Martin — Plop Trumps, “50 stunning photos of poo like you’ve never seen before.” (See the photo below of one of the less gross cards in the poop deck.)

The Style Invitational

The Style Invitational is The Post’s weekly humor/wordplay contest, serving up since 1993 an irreverent mix of highbrow and lowbrow -- haughty and potty -- in genres ranging from neologisms to cartoon captions to elaborate song parodies. A new contest appears at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational every Friday.

Archive

One of the cards from Plop Trumps, part of this week’s second prize.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, Jan. 17; results published Feb. 5 (Feb. 3 online). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 953” in your e-mail subject line or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next week is by Tom Witte; the subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Gary Crockett. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook.

Report from Week 949

in which we asked for analogies in the “A is to B as C is to D” form: Not too surprisingly, we got a lot of entries about the presidential candidates.

The winner of the Inker

Joe Biden is to Dick Cheney as Igor is to Iago. (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)

2. Winner of the “Magic Energy Breathspray” and “Really Positive Energy Breathspray”: Washington is to Baltimore as an air kiss is to a hickey. (Peter Jenkins, Bethesda, Md.)

3. Justin Bieber is to music as Barney is to paleontology. (Nancy Schwalb, Washington)

4. Middle age is to vanity as windshield is to bug. (Scott Poyer, Annapolis, Md.)

As kissing is to sister: Honorable mentions

Jon Stewart is to Bill O’Reilly as a whoopee cushion is to a fart. (Kathy El-Assal, Middleton, Wis.)

Euro is to Europe as screw is to screwup. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Demonstrator is to spring as dictator is to fall. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Snow is to beautiful as your street is to plowed. (Barr Weiner, Washington, a First Offender)

“Team building” is to fun as “family holiday gathering” is to love. (Mairzy Salander, Arlington)

The justice system is to justice as doxy is to orthodoxy. (Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)

Bethesda drivers are to the rules of the road as the Shoe Bomber was to foot health. (Peter Jenkins)

Canada is to the United States as a dialogue coach is to a porn actor. (Scott Weinstein, Montreal)

Watching women’s indoor volleyball is to watching women’s beach volleyball as watching Irish dancing is to watching pole dancing. (Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

VDOT is to traffic as M.C. Escher is to architecture. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)

The federal government is to Social Security as Cruella De Vil is to pet-sitting. (Craig Dykstra)

Being a Redskins fan is to the Super Bowl as being Jewish is to Christmas. (Rob Cohen, Potomac, Md.)

Students are to frat parties as slugs are to beer. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

A man is to a woman as a multiple-choice test is to an essay exam. (Mardy Grothe, Southern Pines, N.C., a First Offender)

Facebook is to book as cowpie is to pie. (Perry Beider, Silver Spring, Md.)

Beer is to beer bellies as muffins are to muffin tops. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Utah is to jazz as Los Angeles is to lakes. (Paul Burnham, Gainesville, Va.)

Holidays are to restful as family is to elsewhere. (Barr Weiner)

Your mama’s nose is to her face as the Washington Monument is to the District of Columbia. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)

Liberal Republican is to conservative Republican as Mitt Romney is to Mitt Romney. (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)

President Obama is to leadership as Barney Fife is to law enforcement. (Kirk Conover, Columbia, Md., a First Offender)

Mitt Romney is to flip-flops as Herman Cain is to sneakers. (Steve Gorman, Falls Church, Va.)

Mitt Romney is to $10,000 as Rick Perry is to one execution. (Gary Crockett)

Hurricane is to Herman Cain as wind is to windbag. (Harold Mantle, Lafayette, Calif.)

Eye of newt is to gourmet cooking as mouth of Newt is to uplifting political discourse. (Paul Burnham)

Tea Party is to serious political discourse as T-shirts are serious political discourse. (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)

White chocolate is to chocolate as rainbow trout is to a rainbow. (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)

The 112th Congress is to effective legislation as John Cage is to ad jingles. (Stephen Smith, Fairfax, Va.)

Bankers are to investment strategy as lemmings are to travel plans. (Dale Hample, Silver Spring, Md.)

Elin Nordegren with a golf club is to Tiger Woods as dozens of professionals with golf clubs are to Tiger Woods. (Gregory Koch, Storrs, Conn.)

Dan Snyder is to the Redskins as that statue of the little boy is to that fountain in Brussels. (Craig Dykstra)

A leaf blower is to neighborhood tranquillity as “Deep Throat” is to family movie night. (Kevin Dopart)

A hand on a Bible is to a politician’s honesty as truck nuts are to a driver’s virility. (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)

Vegemite is to food as poison is to food. (Jeff Contompasis) [Watch this video!]

Obama holding office is to Democrats as Lucy holding football is to Charlie Brown. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)

Newt Gingrich is to Mitt Romney as “Wig Trenching” is to “Mr. Minty Toe.” (Craig Dykstra)

Mormons having multiple wives is to Mitt Romney as Catholics having one wife is to Newt Gingrich. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Rick Santorum is to politics as santorum is to the English language. (Dixon Wragg)

Michele Bachmann is to Sarah Palin as Farmer Barbie is to Lumberjack Barbie. (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)

Fox News is to journalism as Donald Trump’s hair is to hair. (Melissa Balmain)

The Republican hopefuls are to hope for the Republic as Ritz and Lunchables are to lunch at the Ritz. (Larry Gray)

Know-it-all is to contempt as pleonast is to opprobrium. (Scott Poyer)

Date Lab is to Washington Post Magazine as bacon is to BLT. (Emily Cumberland, Washington, a First Offender)

And Last: “The Thinker” is to the Inker as Edwin Newman is to Alfred E. Neuman. (Mike Gips, Bethesda)

Visit the online discussion group The Style Conversational, where the Empress discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser Community — and you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries, since you no doubt figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail notification each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted online, write to the Empress at losers@washpost.com (note that in the subject line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the far more lively group Style Invitational Devotees and chime in.

Next week: Of All the Nerve! or Gall Tales

 
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