Style Invitational Week 954: Bring on the ‘fight’ jokes; and some winning chutzpah

A woman frowned into the bedroom mirror. “Ugh,” she said despondently to her husband, “I look so old, so fat, so ugly. Honey, I really need you to tell me something good about me.”

“Well,” he answered agreeably, “your eyesight’s darn near perfect.”

The Style Invitational

The Style Invitational is The Post’s weekly humor/wordplay contest, serving up since 1993 an irreverent mix of highbrow and lowbrow -- haughty and potty -- in genres ranging from neologisms to cartoon captions to elaborate song parodies. A new contest appears at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational every Friday.

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(Mark Wilson/Getty Images) - Rep. James Sensenbrenner, who was heard saying Michelle Obama had “a large posterior.”

And then the fight started. . .

It’s an old joke, notes occasional Loser Bill Verkuilen of Minnesota. And jokes with the same tag line — basically, the genre incorporates dialogue featuring a cleverly cutting remark — are all over the Web. Your job, of course, is to top them with your own. This week: Tell us an original joke ending with “And then the fight started.” Stealing will prompt a very nasty fight. And keep them concise while still telling the joke entertainingly. (The example above is 43 words without the tag line.)

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives two fine volumes: “Go to Hell,” which is a lighthearted book about various cultures’ concepts of the underworld, but more notably a gift (now regifted) to Loser Tom Witte from his devoted son-in-law; and the fine volume “Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School,” courtesy of Cheryl Davis. The book demonstrates why Ben was such an early champion of free speech.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Jan. 23; results published Feb. 12 (Feb. 10 online). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 954” in your e-mail subject line or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next week is by Kathy El-Assal; the subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Judy Blanchard. Join the Style Invitational Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev.

Report from Week 950

in which we asked for examples of the Yiddish term “chutzpah” — basically astonishingly nervy gall — to match Leo Rosten’s classic example of a man who murders his parents and then asks the court for mercy because he’s an orphan. A number of people submitted incidents from their own lives; while we’re sure they made the entrants’ jaws drop at the time, our own mandible stayed fairly horizontal during the judging.

The winner of the Inker

Chutzpah is criticizing a part of the first lady’s anatomy despite having – no, being – a far bigger one yourself. (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)

2. Winner of the music box that plays “If I Only Had a Brain” (and, remember, “da noiv”): “Chutzpah” is the word Barack Obama wanted to use instead of “audacity” in the title of his book, but he didn’t have the chutzpah. (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)

3. Saying to the police officer, “Okay, I’ll count backward by sevens drunk if you can do it sober.” (Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.)