Mugs, nope; tees, nope: Honorable mentions
“Let’s make some good grub!” said chef Deen. “Ribs, pork buns, BLTs, flan, lime bars, Oreo cake, beef tips, clam dips, corn dogs, Yule logs, jams, yams, hams, pies with lard — lots!” BURP. “Whoa. Feel sick. Weak. Can’t move legs, arms. How’d THAT come down?” (Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
Dems mock 2012 prez race: “Just fire your foes, Mitt! Slam that gals’ pill, Rick! More moon base talk, Newt! Push them gold bars, Paul!” (Chris Doyle)
Dude, pass that bong over here; we’ll show that good weed aids one’s voca- . . .[puff] . . . lang- [drag] . . . word list! (Mark Richardson, Washington)
After right wing’s group nixes donor money limit, left’s Maher sends Obama extra bucks. Using other words: Glass house owner hurls giant stone. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Deep down, even avid fans know that “slut” fits Rush best. (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)
When they hear Mitt, Rick, Paul, Newt,
Most Dems note lies, roll eyes, push mute. (Dave Silberstein, College Park, Md.)
Hand over some fish, feed them just once. Give them some nets, feed them even more. Also, send rods, bait, beer. (Jeff Contompasis)
Santorum, Decrying ‘Biblical Betrayal,’ Deplores ‘Elephant-Antelope’ Marriage; ‘Aardvark-Tortoise’ Marriage Likewise Assailed (Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
Able were y’all till y’all seen Elba. (Gary Crockett)
Retired federal manager, current Wal-Mart greeter, ten-time widower. Hobbies include birding, macrame, ikebana, fencing, braille Yahtzee, virtual sorcery, Klingon cuisine, genital origami, extreme bondage, torture devices, autopsy reports. Seeking wealthy dowager, skilled midwife, college student, curious females. Romance? (Chris Doyle)
“Rx” is to “ho” as “ef up” is to me. — R. Limbaugh (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
So, do we do it or no? It is up to me, eh? So we do! … Er … my, um, “up” is no go. Oy. (Josh Feldblyum, Philadelphia)
“The Old Man and the Sea”? Huh? Who? Wha? Due now??? Can you say “GED”? (Louise Dodenhoff Hauser, Falls Church)
Hey, bro! I’ve had all top ten:
Boy Toy, Mad Man, Gay Guy, Top Gun,
Art Nut, Gal Pal, Bad Ole Boy, Lil Kid,
Dry Wit and Fat Cat. (But not Wet Dog.)
But you, bro:
I’ll lie for you, cry, die for you.
You are the one! Luv, Sis (Toni Smiley, Washington, a First Offender)
(to “The Star-Spangled Banner”)
What have your eyes seen, with that rosy dawn glow?
Does this look like that item when pale dusk last fell?
Wide line upon star when blow upon blow,
Over fort edge thus seen does with true grit wave well.
When ruby fire sang, amid bomb with loud bang,
Gave clue that dark time that this flag will long hang.
Pray tell that this star-girt flag does also wave,
Over this free land, home that bold ones save. (Angus Walker, London, a First Offender)